Solidarity on weekend dread. One took that has worked for us is to do separate time on the first evening or morning they’re both home. If you have a partner, one adult would take the younger on an adventure and one adult would take the older. One pair could even stay home. This isn’t a cure all, but starting the weekend with some dedicated attention seems to help.

With my almost 2 year old, I have to leave the house daily when I’m home with him. We go to the library, out to breakfast, to a play place, to the grocery store etc. somewhere to break up the day. If he’s sick and we can’t go anywhere (since he typically has the same energy) I do go a little crazy. He’s not interested in screens so I try to rotate through activities but it is tough.

I have had a lot of luck by having a basket of go to activity suggestions. During normal times, take a few seconds to jot down activities on small pieces of paper. Think a mix of favorite go tos, the activities or toys they forget they have, maybe a more involved something that doesn’t all the time, and some things that will keep them entertained with zero effort on your part. Put them in a bowl and let the kids draw a piece of paper when they are ready for their next activity. Next time a surprise home day or long weekend rolls around just do a quick edit of what activities you have the stuff and mental capacities for.

Also when kids are home sick, like actually feeling sick, or if they are home and we have to work we suspend any aspirations to limit screen time. The goal for those days is to keep the tiny humans alive.

I feel you on the weekend dread. I’m often excited about Saturday, but by the afternoon I’m ready for daycare to start. Mondays feel like a huge relief, and I often feel guilty about that. My husband and I are naturally homebodies, and it’s taken a big adjustment for us to learn that we HAVE to plan activities to not go crazy. We find one kid-oriented activity a day adds enough structure for us. So we’ll try and do a play date one day and maybe visit with local family another day or even meet some friends for lunch somewhere easy. Every weekend we do a movie night where we eat something easy (think pizza or chicken nuggets) at the coffee table while watching. And this is on top of morning cartoons. So screen time definitely happens over here. Anyway, those are our tools, if you will. If they are helpful, that’s great, but either way, please know that you are not alone in the weekend dread. I say this as I’m preparing to start a long weekend right now… sigh.

+1 to going places. We are incredibly lucky to have a great local community, so we rely on playgrounds and playdates all weekend. We get together with other daycare families on days with random closures. It does mean that my social circle is now mostly other parents in my neighborhood, but also my social life is the most active it’s been since college. When kiddo has been too sick for even the playground, we go for walks on busy streets so he can watch the trucks and traffic and/ or to parks where he is more likely to run around on his own and not spread diseases. My kid wants to be outside in all weather – literally gets excited when it rains, so we have all the outdoor gear for outside time to not be weather dependent. The $25 I spent on his full body rain suit might be the best money I ever spent.

We find it really helpful to create and print out a schedule. This helps with the constant questions from the kids “What’s next?” It helps us as parents to break up the day and have things to look forward to. The schedule should be flexible and may be changed by shorter naps, invitations from friends, etc.

I completely feel you on the weekend dread. This week, all week I was unexpectedly completely solo with my two kids, 2 and 4. I was really worried about how it was going to go, because I really struggle on the weekends, so I just decided we would pretend we were on vacation. I still took them to their half-day school, but I didn’t worry if we were late. I fed them ice cream while I cooked dinner. I turned on the TV when I needed to (we definitely had more screen time this week). They napped in the car or didn’t nap if we were out doing something. We did different activities. And honestly it was the best week I’ve had with my kids since we were really on vacation. All that to say, I think on unusual days, just go for it, relax the rules and do what you need to do!!

A technique I use on evenings also, if I am looking at an hour or more alone with the kids: Activity cards, where each card represents a 15 min (or more) block. Ex: ‘Play with Mama’, ‘Play solo’, ‘Snack’, ‘Bath’. I give them my selection of a set of available cards (usually includes a good number of Play Solo so I can get housework done!), but then every 15 min they choose which one to do next. It helps me to not constantly be feeling either guilty that I’m not doing housework or guilty that I’m not playing with them. Plus the idea was to make the kid feel they had more control, and to learn to play alone without constantly wondering/waiting/asking when Mama was going to start playing again.

I feel like this,too! And it always makes me feel guilty or something that unstructured family time ends up not the greatest. Our kids are 5 and 2.5, and we’ve found that getting out of the house in the morning is the key to calmer afternoons. We’ll do a park or the library or something to just break up the day, and then when we get home it feels more like a typical day. I find it’s also good for my mental health to not spend all day home. If the weather is bad though, we throw the screen time rules out the window sometimes 🙈

Here are some strategies I’ve developed with my three (ages 2, 4, and 7):
– Get out of the house at least once per day, even if it’s just to the local playground. My kids seem to melt less if they get out of the house.
– Try to get some 1:1 time. Managing two kids can be so exhausting. 1:1 time with kids can be a real treat when you’re used to managing two.
– Give yourself grace. You are in the thick of it, and it’s okay (and normal!) not to like it all the time. If you need more screen time on these weekends, it’s ok!
– When you have a good weekend, reflect afterwards on what made it good and what you can potentially replicate in the future.

100 percent agree with getting out of the house. Find a park near you that’s fenced in and age appropriate (mine are not quite 2 and 5 so same boat) and then feel free to ignore your kids and do a crossword on your phone or something and let them entertain themselves.

On days you can’t get out, my kids love putting together obstacle courses and running races (they call them popsicle courses as an added bonus of cute) which has the added bonus of tiring them out. They also love building forts out of pillows and blankets and playing “family” inside with their stuffies for up to 30-45 min at a time (longer if there can be snacks involved).

I agree with a lot of the other comments, and also am in solidarity with you that weekends (especially long weekends) can feel hard.

I am definitely in favor of letting kids get bored, although it is hard (especially at first). It’s also hard with littler kids, so I have this suggestion (which is totally taken from other people): start playing with your toddler for a few minutes, then slowly back away. Rinse and repeat as needed. As they get older I also tell them I will read them three stories, play one game, etc., then I am going to do something that I need/want to do. We will usually hang out in our family room, which is generally child-proofed and full of toys that our 15-month-old can play with. I also keep a few things I like to do around but out of reach of said 15-month-old, like a book, magazine, or knitting project, so I can read or knit for a few minutes and feel like I am getting some time to do what I want, too.

I love getting outside for all of us, even though we sometimes spend more time getting ready than we do outside.

Also please be prepared that there will be whining! I heard on a podcast (possibly Best of Both Worlds, highly recommend) with regards to chores, that you should expect zero whining, but the chores should still be done. Same thing with going outside, being bored, etc. There can be whining, but I hold firm that this is how things will be. Changing my expectations to include whining somehow makes it a little easier (even though I still hate whining!). I try to remind myself that it’s not my job to make/keep my children happy 100% of the time; it’s my job to show them how to navigate the world and try to make themselves happy and also deal with the things they need to do.

Also highly recommend following The Busy Toddler on IG/the internet. She does have lots of activity suggestions, but also great ideas for very low-key ways to entertain your kid(s) and also get downtime for yourself.

“The level of activity our children would have in daycare or school” is not a perpetually sustainable grind for them. So my perspective is to let them enjoy their break from it, rather than to try to replicate it.

Beyond that, my approach differs depending on how long the break is – one day? three weeks? – how old the kid is, and why they’re out of school. We have a 5yo in kindergarten and a 2yo in 7 hrs/week of daycare.

If it’s a snow day, we’re spending as much time as possible outdoors enjoying the snow (we rarely get snow, so it’s a special occasion).

If it’s inclement weather that’s not safe to go out in, we often do book reading, screen time, free drawing with markers and stickers, Play-doh, and letting the kids figure out their own play. With the 5yo we also often do chores, cooking, and Beast Academy math games.

If it’s a sick day, we do unlimited screen time for our 5yo, or generous screen time and snuggles for our 2yo.

If it’s a long break, that’s when I do try to institute a routine. I keep a schedule on Google Sheets with a column for each family member and a row for every half hour of the day. I don’t follow it strictly, but it helps me remember what we could be doing when my executive function stalls, and it also helps me plan ahead of time whether and how possible activities might fit in around our basic routines, or vice versa.

Outdoor time and playdates are our top priorities for the kids when long breaks from school make these regularly possible again.

Go outside! Even when it’s cold, rainy, snowy– buy the gear. Our whole family owns rain pants and rain suits and snow suits and we go to the park in nearly all weather other than just above freezing and rainy. When we all start to get those Saturday morning crazy eyes, on go the layers and out goes our family.

Extended time with no school/daycare is so tough! First off I agree with many others on this thread that it helps to just take the pressure off yourself! We have a 3 year old and a 4 month old – my daughter’s preschool teacher constantly says “as parents it’s not your job to entertain your child, it’s your job to let them learn how to entertain themselves.” Keep them safe and fed, but otherwise we rely a lot on “I’m not available right now because I’m (insert housework task) – you’re welcome to help me or you can find something else to do.” There is a lot of stomping and gnashing of teeth but then eventually she gets over it and starts to actually entertain herself with one of her numerous toys. We also have a free art station set up with paper, washable markers, modeling dough etc that she can access without assistance.
I think COVID also primed many of us with young kids to feel that we have to be very self reliant and formal with setting up social experiences and we’ve been actively trying to get over this inertia. Highly recommend having a casual text chain/email group/choose your social media platform of parents with kids who are similar ages. We do a lot of “I’m taking the kids to X park at X time tomorrow please join us if you’re free!” Maybe someone shows up and maybe not, but low stakes open invitations are such a gift to give and receive!!!

We seem to go through every sensory bin, kinetic sand, play doh and then build something when stuck at home. My kiddo is on a dancing kick, so it’s not hard to burn energy. I did put his bike in the basement for the winter. If we’re sick we watch tv.

Like many others, I get out of the house :). Agree with trying to set up a text thread with friends for the last minute “hey – we’re about to go do X, join if you want”.

That said, regarding screentime, I feel like there is a general sense that it’s “bad” and should be a last resort. But, with my daughter, I found that it really depended on the circumstances and the show. I feel like Daniel Tiger was actively good for her, and I wish I’d started it early / had her watch it more. Especially for managing her emotions and learning social cues & structures, how to work with others, etc. I also enjoy watching Bluey together with her. Some families I know do pizza/popcorn/movie together every Friday night (for kids old enough to watch a full movie) as a family ritual.

And, if your kid has any second-language exposure, screentime can reinforce that (kids shows often have tons of language options). Not that it has too. But, it’s good to know it’s an option :).

My boys are also 2 and 4 (plus I have an infant), and I give myself permission to not entertain them. I will suggest they play Legos if they are bored, but otherwise I’ve explicitly told them it’s not my job to play with them. However, I do give each son 10 minutes a day that I will play whatever they want, and I will usually drop whatever I’m doing to read if they bring me a book. I also think it’s easier for them to play by themselves with their toys if they are in a tidy/emptier room (ie pack away most of their toys). If it’s not too cold and I don’t have too much housework, I take them to a playground and try to read while they play. Visiting the library is always great, albeit challenging with multiple kids. I also like to do a few minutes of reading instruction with my oldest every day, followed by one episode from a show.

We go outside whenever it’s not raining. It’s nice for me, too, since then sometimes I can socialize with other parents at the playground or people walking their dogs past our house…and I definitely need that adult social interaction. For rainy days, I keep a closet of toys that people have passed down to us or gifted through us (so he doesn’t know about them), or garage sale toys, and I give those as a “rainy day toy” since no toy is more occupying than a new one. (That closet is also for sticker chart rewards, which we depend on since he is still very uncivilized.) We also do “quiet time” after lunch since no more nap, which gives us all a break. We put on audiobooks for him to listen to while he plays by himself in his room. I start it by playing with him there for a couple of minutes, say I’ll be back in 20 after I do x y and z, and then I play with him again for 2 minutes and then leave again to do x y and z. The only downside to that is his new game recently where he “goes to the beach,” in which he takes every single toy out of his closet and puts it all in a pile on his floor. Keeps him occupied but takes forever to get him to clean up later!

Being from Europe, I have noticed that American society tends to see adult and kid lives separate, rather than something that can coexist, through increased independence of the child and less kid-specific activities (but, rather, stuff that everyone enjoys) – think: chuck-e-cheese or other hyper kid-focused horrors.

Little kids love being helpers, and I have found life with kids much easier and very enjoyable if you just take them along in what you’re doing. Open-ended toys are also a great way to support children to play independently when you need a break or want to get something done for yourself.

Perhaps being able to do more of what you enjoy (museum? hiking? music? sewing? yard work? travel? running? whatever it is) would make the extended time with your kids more enjoyable. We’ve been taking our kids everywhere (nice restaurants, museums, backpacking trips through Europe, etc.) and they’ve been helping us with everything (preparing dinner, unloading dishwasher, meal planning, doing groceries, gardening, cleaning, etc.) since they were tiny, and while they don’t always feel like it, we have an understanding that we do things together that each of us enjoys and/or has to get done. We definitely adjust expectations when kids tag along, but at least we can still do things we love doing or what needs to get done.

Montessori does a good job encouraging the principles of autonomy and independence. There are many resources available on this, but I’ve found Simone Davies’ books very helpful. Hunt, Gather, Parent is also a great book that also dives a little deeper into this subject matter.

My family has moved to Europe and we will be here for 3 years. I am unable to work while we are here, and am now a full time stay at home mom. Our kids are almost 1 and 3. Not to minimize the parenting challenge for anyone working full time outside of the home, but this has been far more challenging for me personally than when I was working and I didn’t realize how much I needed that mental break, even when I was struggling in a career I didn’t love. So, my “crazy weekends” have turned into 24/7 craziness…and I feel like I’m really struggling to find a good routine for my toddler. I miss the structure daycare provided and find it nearly impossible to replicate with a baby thrown into the mix. It definitely seems to be impacting my toddler’s behavior and sleep sometimes. I will take any and all advice!

I’m noticing how many people express frustration with baths, especially on the weekend—by the end of the day, everyone is exhausted, etc. I only wash my 22mo old twice a week, more if she’s in a liking baths phase and it can work as an activity. Maybe later she’ll get dirtier but I don’t think she really needs to be bathed more often right now. Less frequent baths also mean that her skin doesn’t dry out as quickly in winter. Embrace the not-every-day bath!

We have made weekend routines with our toddler starting when she was an infant so she’ll get used to doing things we like to do. Fridays we work from home so we go to happy hour at a family friendly brewery that has food. In the summer we go to the farmers market on Sundays (conveniently has a splash pad) and there is a Saturday morning story time at the library. Of course this is when we don’t have other plans, and we are lucky to have a couple sets of nearby friends with similarly aged kids so we trade houses for lame parents supper club and put the kiddo down in a pack and play / transfer home eventually when we’re out.

No advice for the closure days though – they are a struggle! And sounds like schools are closed a lot too. I am counting on my kids ability to watch tv or read books independently to improve with age for those days TBH.