When Should I Stop Breastfeeding?

A question about when to stop breastfeeding: I’m lucky enough to be able to work from home while my spouse watches our baby, so I could in theory continue nursing our little one until he starts pre-K, but that feels kind of extreme! I’ve been saying that I’ll continue for as long as the little one and I are both finding it a positive experience, but that feels murkier than I’d like. Given our culture’s sexualization of breasts, I’m a bit worried about causing some sort of psychological damage. Is there any data on the effects of breastfeeding toddlers, or on when the latest time when I should stop would be?

—Not Raising Baby Oedipus

An interesting (by which I mean terrible) aspect of breastfeeding is that people will judge you if you do too little and if you do too much. Unless you are a breastfeeding Goldilocks (which I guess means one year exactly), you get the side-eye. The latest American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines on breastfeeding, which I dislike in a lot of ways, are helpful in their efforts to normalize “extended” breastfeeding.

In many places around the world, people do breastfeed for much longer. By older ages, kids are getting nutrients in other ways, but breastfeeding can provide comfort and routine. There is no compelling data suggesting that extended breastfeeding is somehow useful for improving outcomes for kids, but that’s not really the point. And to your question, there is also no data to suggest you should be worried about psychological damage. Given how widespread this behavior is globally, it doesn’t seem like a central concern.

I think your approach, while “murky,” is kind of perfect. As long as you both find it a positive experience, you should do it. Once one of you doesn’t — and you may be the first to go — then it’s time to quit. One cautionary note: It can be quite hard to wean an older toddler, since the behavior is more ingrained and they can more easily express what they want. If and when you are ready to do this, you may need to think carefully about the approach.