It sounds like you are doing all you can. I have the same challenge with my three year old. I think sometimes toddlers want to excerpt control, which they can do best at home and not on an activity you have set them, where they also have to follow more rules – hold my hand, let’s go here, wait, come here, dont run, walk here, dont do that, dont do this, etc. Another thing is my toddler is at preschool five days a week, so the weekend is her time to chill, no routine, do what she wants, play with all her toys. Trips may be fun for you but they may not be as fun as just chilling at home for your son. We often resort to bribery with treats, or if we really need to go somewhere, force – she enjoys it once we are there! But I would welcome some tips from the group too!

We’ve also started the 1000 hours outside challenge and are new listeners to her podcast. It’s been great! I would say that a need to get outside everyday is not at all “almost pathological” but a very real and basic human need, and both you and your son will be so much better for it! My 4 year old sometimes protests about the time outside too. I’ve dealt with it by just sort of not making it a choice. Not in a mean way, but by just calmly saying, “it’s time for our outside time now,” the same way I would tell him it’s bath time or time to get ready for school. He usually gets the picture and ends up having a nice time. I’m sort of figuring that my role right now is to establish good habits, and the wonder and excitement will come naturally as we practice the habit of getting outside. Not sure if that will work out long term, but here’s hoping!!!

We also have a four-year-old who is not as excited about everything as he was a year ago, and the fact that he has a sibling 18 months younger helps. Even when he’s not enthusiastic about something, he wants to do what his little brother does. Could you harness positive peer pressure occasionally by going with other people your child enjoys?

Similarly, I wonder if scheduling outside time when another person is available to watch your child if they choose not to go is an option. I sometimes tell my kids, “Mama really needs to get some wiggles out today. I would love to have you come with me! But whether you come with me or not, I’m going to go take a walk and then I’m happy to play with you.” Often, my kids say they don’t want to come and realize they feel differently when I’m walking out the door.

Do you have a yard or “easy” place to get outside? My kids’ favorite outdoor activity is digging. It’s not my personal favorite and it’s not the most active, but they will dig in the yard with construction vehicles for hours, which at least gives me the option to hang out and garden.

We also find that our kids are resistant to activities/outings during the week. I think they’re just tired from school. So most of our weekday outside time is in the yard, or happens if we stop by a playground on the way home from school. Once my kids are home on a weeknight, they often don’t want to leave. So maybe start by focusing on the weekends.

Sometimes when I’m struggling with mismatches in preference between me and my kids, assuming it’s not my job to set a hard limit on the behavior (I.e., you must go outside once every day to get some fresh air), I try to navigate it just like I would if I was dealing with an adult or friend I have to live with who had different needs. In this case, I’d start by meeting your own needs for exercise and outdoors to remove some of the feeling of urgency and set an example, and then go from there!

The 1000 Hours Outside Official Group on Facebook has a million ideas!

We’ve had 500 hours as our goal for the past 5 years and just met it last year.

For your specific situation, since he is resisting both outdoor and indoor destination trips, maybe focus on outdoor time in your yard, if you have one. Bubbles, sidewalk chalk, stomp rockets, beanbag tossing, building a stick fort, water painting, playing with the hose, and gardening are some of our favorites.

We drive by two playgrounds on the way home from preschool every day. Usually if there are other kids playing he wants to stop. And I always say yes, unless we actually have somewhere we need to be. It’s a visual thing. If we are home and I asked him if he wanted to go to the playground, it’s the same as you describe. Plus it’s routine now where he has the choice.

I have a four year old and I’m in this same boat, seems pretty typical. I used to take him in a chariot and haul him on different activities to get my wiggles out and get him outside but that season has definitely passed. I wouldn’t feel bad if a lot of your outdoor time right now is separate from your kid. I take our baby on all my hiking etc outdoor time adventures that are harder with a 4 yr old. We started downhill skiing a lot more this winter as our family outdoor time at a small local ski hill, since the chairlift does the work for us of getting him up the mtn. In the summer, we have a kids ride shotgun, where he basically rides on a little bike seat mounted between you and he loves it. We live in the mtns so these activities are a lot more available to us, but just wanted to throw out what works for this age for us. It’s always just the challenge of getting out the door. It feels less about a love of being outside and just a toddler power struggle and a difficulty with transitions. I try and remember this is a phase like everything and he’ll be more willing to get out with me again soon!

Mostly what I would say to help is covered here already. I do make my kids go outside often. My one child also expects adult led sensory time with science and crafts and he struggles much more outside open ended play compared to my daughter who will make mud soup or find leaves on a walk etc. giving him clear ideas, climb the tree (he can safely), use trampoline, ride bike to the library.

When he was younger, I needed to help him get ready for the day and then immediately transition to outdoor/ outing. If he naps this could also be a good time just after he wakes up for a quick ride in the car to a great sand box or other sensory play like a creek.

I’ve yet to meet a kid that she that didn’t LOVE a trampoline. We gotta one 3 weeks ago and our 5yo doesn’t even care how cold it is… She’s out there!

It sounds like you are working really hard. I would consider giving yourself a break on two fronts. First- you don’t need to constantly curate a unique and complicated/messy art or science project for him to play indoors. Get your blocks to mangatiles or trucks and let him play. See what he’ll do on his own, give him space to explore. Second, you don’t need to convince him to go to target or the park. You are in charge, give him smaller things to control like whether to ride his bike or walk, or let him bring one toy with him and he can decide which one. Or which shoes or sweater to wear. I have two kids and my older one is more of an indoor person, would play nicely and not want to go outside, but the younger gets restless. I make them both go to the park and they complain all the way there the have an amazing time and are so much happier on the way home.

Sounds like you might benefit from a follow @toryhalpin on insta. She is great inspiration for making outside play work.

We aren’t quite there with out 3.5 year old, but it’s definitely less easy than it was. I don’t know if this is available in your budget or schedule, but we have been doing an outdoor parent-child class called Tiny Treks (only available in the Bay Area and Seattle, but there are many other similar programs!). Once weekly, but the teachers organize the hike, plan little crafts and activities, and you just show up with a snack.

I think the presence of another adult who my daughter loves (who isn’t a parent) creates positive social pressure. It also introduces us to little parks we never would have found on our own, and we have had success getting outside by replicating activities we did at Tiny Treks (hey, remember when we threw sticks in that river at Tiny Treks and then played on the playground? Let’s do that again!). Wishing you (and all of us!) luck holding onto these hobbies in the future!

Just came to say that the phrase “pathological need to get outside” is exactly how I would describe myself as well! If I don’t have a chance to get outside on a nice day, it makes me so frustrated. With a 2.5 yo and 6m old, the challenge of getting outside is more in the logistics. My toddler wants to go out but he almost always wants to go back inside quickly – he is also most comfortable with his inside toys. I love everyone else’s ideas here, and now I need to find the 1000 hours outside challenge!

Oh the transition from your three year old buddy to your sightly oppositional four year old… my oldest did that with me and it felt so challenging. Upon reflection I think part of it is children learning how to articulate their autonomy. And it’s also a transition point for parents from the “baby as an extension of me” to “independent child” stage of being. It’s rough.

What I do is generally just talk about the plan the day ahead and then the same day. My kids like to know what’s in store for them. Sometimes if their mood is sour, I’ll just sit in my yard (I have a yard) and I’ll lay and stare at the clouds, or pick weeds, and suddenly the outdoor space is their space. Their imagination play or block building or science project comes with them outside.

My son also loved the do-together projects and I also have a limit on that so I would tell him why. “I feel really happy outside and my body needs to move, so I need to do that today. I can’t only sit indoors and do your activities with you because that won’t let me move my body outdoors like it needs. Also, I need to cook so you have food when you’re hungry so I will have to do other things at home. Some times you will have to play by yourself”. It’s like a continuation of the “why phase” and also helpful to have kids learn your needs as a parent. My son now is so empathetic with me, and I think in part because I’ve shared some of these thoughts with him.

Third, it still feels like a real loss to not hang out with my kids when the day is magical and they shoot me down. I always feel bummed. Im trying to remember that not every hike is a family hike, just like before I had kids not every activity was with the same friends. They miss out on a lot of things are think are incredible, but then I have a great story to tell them and that builds a different kind of exchange.

Lately we’ve really slowed down and it amazes me how happy and fulfilled they seem with being only home. We haven’t had any activities (friends, outdoor time, museums, shopping). So there’s also that. Sometimes kids really do need to recharge.

Is your son saying no because he’s asserting independence, because he’s needing to slow down and recharge at home, or because of other things. Kids are so dynamic!

When I’m desperate for a run, even my homebody kid will agree to watch and iPad in the jogging stroller 😂

We’re not outdoors people but we often joke that our 7 year old boys are bums. They don’t want to go do anything.
We’ve been working on this for a few months so it’s a good time for me to organize my thoughts on how we’re changing things.
I think kids at this age cannot reason around anything resembling longterm consequences and it’s unreasonable to expect them to. Even adults struggle with doing what’s right for them sometimes. I realized that we can’t expect our kids to understand the consequences of never learning to swim when they don’t go to swim class or that they won’t have anything to eat if we don’t go to the store to buy food.
Once we accepted that, we decided that certain things are just going to be mandated. This is still subject to the always correct parenting adage to choose your battles, but some battles are worth choosing so we now:
1. Don’t expect them to like doing some of this stuff. This is important for our sanity. If we expect them to like going to the store and doing it happily, then we’ll rarely be satisfied ourselves because even if they go they won’t be happy about it.
2. With #1 in mind, we will still expect them to do some of these things. I’ve told the kids that I expect them to go to swim class until they know how to swim, then after that they get to choose. We also expect them to go with us to run errands and shop for the family as part of the family. It’s OK to not like those things, but you’re going to have to do them anyway.
3. Our hope is that over a bit of time, they will also come to accept those things and settle into some healthier habits around them.

It’s been working alright. Whining around going to swim class is down over time. Whining about going to the store is still there but less prolonged.

I think you can do something similar with a 4 year old. Just don’t expect them to love it, at least for a while.

I have a 4yo son and 2 yo daughter. Over Christmas I started the routine of getting out the door by 8:30 and staying at a park until 12. We went to different parks. I got this idea from the 1000 hours outside book. It was awesome. My son usually looks for older kids, my daughter practices her skills on the equipment. We pack lots of snacks and a change of clothes for each kid. I work full time so I do this on the weekends and days off now. I have noticed now they expect it and if we skip the park they start asking to go.

I really enjoyed a podcast from the Busy Toddler lady about “how to get your kids to play independently” and have adopted a lot of her suggestions to help guide our outdoor time. Her perspective is: Unstructured play is work for kids! And like work, it can be good for you, it can make you feel accomplished, but it’s not easy, and you have to practice at it. My 3 y/o is an indoor loving kid who always wants adults to play with her and resists going to the playground or for a walk. So it helps to build outdoor play into our schedule, to announce it ahead of time, to not negotiate, and to set a time limit on unstructured outdoor play vs playing with a parent.

Echoing many others here that you are in charge. Kids (especially toddlers) don’t always know what is best for them. I’m sure you know this with choices on food and sleep, etc., so it shouldn’t feel different with outdoor time.

I wanted to add that my 3 year old always protests going outside (mostly I think he doesn’t want to stop whatever he’s doing), and when we force him to go, he loves it and doesn’t want to come back in. We even had to tell daycare that when he says he doesn’t want to go, just make him 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have two toddlers, one is pretty easy going and pretty much up for anything, but the other will throw tantrums. For her, we’ve found giving her a heads up that change is coming, is enough to stop them. For some things, like turning the tv off, a five minute warning will work. For bigger things, like days that I have to work and may not be able to put her to bed, she needs to know earlier in the day and be reminded. Maybe your son just needs time to transition in his mind? If you feel that strongly about him getting some outdoor activity then maybe instead of giving an option, just say what you’re doing and what time you’re leaving, to give him some time to prepare himself mentally.

Anyone else here the parent that gets bored outside? Indoors, I can do chores, be on my phone and laptop…