Our At-Home Insemination Didn’t Work. What’s Next?

My partner and I are so excited to expand our family. We just did our first at-home insemination with a known donor — we were adamant about wanting to do this ourselves and not get tangled up in a complicated medical system. However, it didn’t work (disappointing), and now we don’t know what to do next. Can you help us figure it out?

—Mariah

Before we dive into the research and some questions that may support your decisions, I’ll start by acknowledging how disappointing it is to find yourself in this position. So much planning, intention, and money goes into each at-home insemination attempt, especially for folks using donor sperm, and a “not pregnant” result after all of this can often feel crushing. You’re not alone if you’re nursing some deep feelings of disappointment.

A person staring outside with hands on mouth — Alex Green

First off, it’s normal to not get pregnant after an at-home insemination, and it doesn’t necessarily mean there is anything wrong or that you need to change any plans. Even for people attempting to conceive via heterosexual intercourse with no fertility issues, each attempt has about a 15% to 20% chance of resulting in pregnancy. It is about the same success rate for an at-home insemination.

Now, you might be wondering about switching course. Especially for anyone using nonidentified (anonymous) donor sperm from a bank, moving from at-home insemination to IUI can increase your chances of conception. In fact, because of the high cost of nonidentified donor sperm, I generally recommend using IUI to decrease attempts and the overall financial burden you’re taking on.

If you are using directed (known) donor sperm that is fresh, or are not concerned about budget or time and have consistent ovulation signs and symptoms and no known fertility issues, doing three to six at-home attempts is absolutely reasonable, and many people choose to do even more.

However, if you decide that the emotional roller coaster of tracking, planning, and inseminating, plus the cost of donor sperm, just isn’t adding up, getting fertility support can, in many cases, decrease the time it takes you to get pregnant.