How do you support a kid who suddenly wants to quit an activity that they once loved?
—Patty
This question makes me think of the Ivy and Bean book Doomed to Dance. In it, the two girls insist they need to learn ballet, and their moms enroll them with the caveat that they must complete the entire eight weeks. Needless to say, they hate it within one week but learn a good lesson in following through on your commitments while they dance around dressed as squids in the recital.
This book has always struck me as a good guide for when my kids want to do a new activity: we’re not enrolling for the session and then quitting after a week.
Your question is more complex — what if your child has done the activity for a long time, years even, and now they want to quit? This is a place where I would employ the tools from The Family Firm, specifically the Four Fs decision-making framework.
- Frame the question: What are the concrete options on the table? Is the choice just “quit forever vs. keep going,” or is there an intermediate option (“pause”)? With some things, like team sports, stepping away may mean stepping off. With more individual pursuits, it may be possible to take a break. Try to figure out what the actual choices are.
- Fact find: Try to get all the information you need for this decision. Notable pieces here: Why does your child want to quit? What would this change about your family life? Would you need to substitute something else? Does this have implications for the future (high school or college)? Does it have social implications? The goal in this step is to put together all the information you’d need to make an informed decision.
- Final decision: Meet with all the stakeholders (your child, all the decision-making adults) and make a decision. Ideally this would be done all at once, once you have all the information. It is tempting to try to make the decision as you collect the information, but it’s much better to separate these steps.
- Follow up: Schedule a follow-up meeting to revisit the decision after some time has passed. Especially if the choice was between pausing and continuing, set a time to discuss restarting.
I wish you the best of luck.
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