Emily Oster

5 min Read Emily Oster

Emily Oster

Wins, Woes, and No Right Answers

Your stories for the week

Emily Oster

5 min Read

I’m starting things off with an important story submitted by a reader. As a warning, this story talks about a difficult prenatal diagnosis and abortion. Please do what’s best for you and skip to below the break if that isn’t something you’re up for reading at this time.

Here’s our reader:

Devastating news. At 12 weeks pregnant, I had an abortion. I am 36 with a healthy toddler. We were pregnant with number 2 and performed a CVS at 10 weeks. On Monday, we received the news that our little baby had Trisomy 13. The doctors told us this condition is “incompatible with life.” On Tuesday, we met with the genetics counselor and formed our plan for an abortion. 

For our family, as difficult as this decision was, it was pretty black and white. We live in Illinois, where abortion is legal. However, I am a federal employee with federal health insurance. Abortion is not covered under my health insurance due to the Hyde Amendment. If I were to have the procedure with my doctor at my hospital, it would have cost $15,000 to $25,000. My husband and I googled how to get the health care we needed. We chose the clinic location based on a Google review and paid $600 out of pocket. I never imagined having to go through this, let alone having to advocate and go out and find the care that we needed. I speak English, am educated, and have financial resources, and it was absolutely traumatic trying to find care. I’ve never felt more privileged in my life. I can only imagine how much more traumatic this would have been if I lived in a different state or didn’t have the resources I’m so lucky to have. My heart aches and I am angry.

What I love about your books is all the data and science and numbers. However, there is no comparing one woman’s situation to another: one zillion variables. Each woman knows her own variables better than anyone else ever possibly could. I think abortion needs to be legalized at the national level, so that every woman can weigh her variables and make the decision that is best for her. Another family might have made a very different decision than what my family made, and I absolutely respect that. There is no “right” answer, only what is right for your family.

For the women out there who are suffering in silence, dealing with their own unique nightmare, I respect and support you. Struggling to conceive, miscarriage, stillbirth, pregnancy complications, postpartum issues — the list of tragedies goes on and on and on. If chosen, the path to motherhood is often long and winding. I stand with all of you.

—Mother of one

So much of my writing focuses on data and making your own parenting choices. I am devastated for this mother and all parents who feel that medical choices are taken away from them. Please leave a kind message for her in the comments (any unkind messages will be blocked), and if you need even more positivity, I recommend revisiting the comments from this post as well, about raising children in a post-Roe world.


And now, on to your parenting wins and woes…

Take two

—Leigh

We’ve been talking about “compromise” with our 3-year-old and have practiced compromising a few times. Tonight she wanted to take all her “doctor stuff” into bed with her. We told her she could take one thing to bed, and that was not acceptable to her. We could see a huge meltdown coming, on top of being fussy because she is sick. My husband asked her if there was a compromise. Then we both did a great job waiting and letting her think about it. She thought. And thought. Then she said, “Take two?” And we said, “Yes! You can take two doctor things to bed!” I was so proud of us for being okay with a compromise, and giving her the wait time to think it through. And I was so proud of her for figuring it out!

Reactions

—Jen

I introduced my daughter to solids starting at six months. She has now had two reactions to food, and it is so mentally draining and makes me feel so guilty, when I know it’s not anything that is directly my fault. I am so emotional about this that I find it hard to hold it together to be the strong advocate in her life to get to the bottom of this. Wishing I had thicker skin in this moment.

Glow up 

—Disco Mama

My 18-month-old daughter always loves bath time but suddenly became terrified of it after a poop accident and resulting parent freak-out. We tried so many tactics to get her back in the tub (more bubbles, less bubbles, colored foam, different bathroom, bath with mama, shower instead, even bath with a diaper). Finally landed on a winner — disco bath, complete with glow-in-the-dark toys and techno music! After a few days of raves, she’s back to a normal bath time!

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Happy fall, everyone! What parenting moments do you look forward to (or dread) when the season changes? Let me know in the comments 🍂

#daylightsavings #parentingtips #parentinghumor #fallactivities #emilyoster

Happy fall, everyone! What parenting moments do you look forward to (or dread) when the season changes? Let me know in the comments 🍂

#daylightsavings #parentingtips #parentinghumor #fallactivities #emilyoster
...

Curious about the role of midwives in childbirth? Today on the ParentData Podcast, we have Ann Ledbetter help us dive into all things midwives—exploring their unique approaches, the impact on birth outcomes, and what makes midwife care distinct.

Listen to this episode now and subscribe to ParentData with Emily Oster in your favorite podcast app 🎧

#parentdata #parentdatapodcast #midwives #midwifery #epidural #emilyoster

Curious about the role of midwives in childbirth? Today on the ParentData Podcast, we have Ann Ledbetter help us dive into all things midwives—exploring their unique approaches, the impact on birth outcomes, and what makes midwife care distinct.

Listen to this episode now and subscribe to ParentData with Emily Oster in your favorite podcast app 🎧

#parentdata #parentdatapodcast #midwives #midwifery #epidural #emilyoster
...

Parenthood isn’t something anyone should navigate alone. It’s about showing up for the moms, dads, and families in your circle—especially when things don’t go as planned. Whether it’s a pregnancy complication or the challenges of postpartum life, we can all play a part in supporting each other.

#TheUnexpected gives tools to better understand and help the parents you love. Link in bio to learn more about the book! If you’ve read it, what stuck out most to you? Share in the comments below 💛

#emilyoster #pregnancycomplications #parentingcommunity #parentingsupport

Parenthood isn’t something anyone should navigate alone. It’s about showing up for the moms, dads, and families in your circle—especially when things don’t go as planned. Whether it’s a pregnancy complication or the challenges of postpartum life, we can all play a part in supporting each other.

#TheUnexpected gives tools to better understand and help the parents you love. Link in bio to learn more about the book! If you’ve read it, what stuck out most to you? Share in the comments below 💛

#emilyoster #pregnancycomplications #parentingcommunity #parentingsupport
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Do men really get worse colds? Not really, but they definitely think so! 

#mancold #perceptionvsreality #sickday #staystrong #emilyoster

Do men really get worse colds? Not really, but they definitely think so!

#mancold #perceptionvsreality #sickday #staystrong #emilyoster
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💧 Is your kid drinking bathwater? Here’s the 411: It’s gross but not dangerous! Comment “Link” for my full guide to bathtime.

 A little soap or mold from toys isn’t harmful, and diluted pee is no big deal. Eating a lot of poop can make you sick, but in small amounts, it isn’t toxic.

Bottom line: Bathwater isn’t your kid’s best drink option, but don’t stress too much! Just keep an eye on them during bathtime for safety. 

#kidsbathtime #bathtoys #bathtimefuntime #emilyoster #parentdata

💧 Is your kid drinking bathwater? Here’s the 411: It’s gross but not dangerous! Comment “Link” for my full guide to bathtime.

A little soap or mold from toys isn’t harmful, and diluted pee is no big deal. Eating a lot of poop can make you sick, but in small amounts, it isn’t toxic.

Bottom line: Bathwater isn’t your kid’s best drink option, but don’t stress too much! Just keep an eye on them during bathtime for safety.

#kidsbathtime #bathtoys #bathtimefuntime #emilyoster #parentdata
...

Why is it that schools always call mom, even when dad’s the one with more availability? Comment “Link” to dive into the data on inequality in parental workloads.

A study shows just how deep the gender divide runs when it comes to household labor—even in something as simple as a phone call. Does this ring true for you? Share your experience in the comments 👇

#gendergap #momstruggles #parentsupport #emilyoster #parentdata

Why is it that schools always call mom, even when dad’s the one with more availability? Comment “Link” to dive into the data on inequality in parental workloads.

A study shows just how deep the gender divide runs when it comes to household labor—even in something as simple as a phone call. Does this ring true for you? Share your experience in the comments 👇

#gendergap #momstruggles #parentsupport #emilyoster #parentdata
...

Is your child getting enough sleep? 💤 Kids need 9-11 hours of rest for better focus, behavior, and health. Comment “Link” for an article on the importance of sleep and how to help your kids get more of it. It’s time to make sleep a priority!

#childsleep #childhooddevelopment #parentingtips #emilyoster #parentdata

Is your child getting enough sleep? 💤 Kids need 9-11 hours of rest for better focus, behavior, and health. Comment “Link” for an article on the importance of sleep and how to help your kids get more of it. It’s time to make sleep a priority!

#childsleep #childhooddevelopment #parentingtips #emilyoster #parentdata
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Here’s my rant on motherhood inspired by the Barbie movie. Motherhood is hard enough without the unsolicited expectations we’re constantly assigned. As I always say, there is no secret option c. You’re doing great, and I hope you know that! 

Share this with a mom you think is doing great!

#parentdata #emilyoster #motherhood #barbiemovie

Here’s my rant on motherhood inspired by the Barbie movie. Motherhood is hard enough without the unsolicited expectations we’re constantly assigned. As I always say, there is no secret option c. You’re doing great, and I hope you know that!

Share this with a mom you think is doing great!

#parentdata #emilyoster #motherhood #barbiemovie
...

Ever seen a headline that makes your heart race, but when you dig deeper, the study behind it doesn’t hold up? That’s a panic headline! It’s designed to grab attention and spark fear, but the research it’s based on is often weak or irrelevant. Next time you see one, take a breath, look closer, and don’t let sensationalism get you stressed out.

What’s the most recent panic headline you’ve seen? Drop it in the comments and let’s break it down together! ⬇️

#parentdata #emilyoster #panicheadline #datadriven #riskmanagement #parentingstruggles

Ever seen a headline that makes your heart race, but when you dig deeper, the study behind it doesn’t hold up? That’s a panic headline! It’s designed to grab attention and spark fear, but the research it’s based on is often weak or irrelevant. Next time you see one, take a breath, look closer, and don’t let sensationalism get you stressed out.

What’s the most recent panic headline you’ve seen? Drop it in the comments and let’s break it down together! ⬇️

#parentdata #emilyoster #panicheadline #datadriven #riskmanagement #parentingstruggles
...

Is constant phone access impacting your child’s development? 📵 Today on the ParentData podcast, listen to @profemilyoster and @jonathanhaidt discuss the impact of phones and social media on learning and child mental health.

Listen to this episode now and subscribe to ParentData with Emily Oster in your favorite podcast app 🎧

#parentdata #parentdatapodcast #theanxiousgeneration #kidsmentalhealth #screentime #jonathanhaidt #emilyoster

Is constant phone access impacting your child’s development? 📵 Today on the ParentData podcast, listen to @profemilyoster and @jonathanhaidt discuss the impact of phones and social media on learning and child mental health.

Listen to this episode now and subscribe to ParentData with Emily Oster in your favorite podcast app 🎧

#parentdata #parentdatapodcast #theanxiousgeneration #kidsmentalhealth #screentime #jonathanhaidt #emilyoster
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Here’s your Monday reminder for the start of the school year: You’re doing a great job, rice bunnies or not!

This is a sneak peek from the Saturday newsletter on ParentData. Want more parenting tips and insights? Subscribe now at the link in bio.

#parentdata #emilyoster #parentingadvice #parentingtips #parentingquotes #parentingishard

Here’s your Monday reminder for the start of the school year: You’re doing a great job, rice bunnies or not!

This is a sneak peek from the Saturday newsletter on ParentData. Want more parenting tips and insights? Subscribe now at the link in bio.

#parentdata #emilyoster #parentingadvice #parentingtips #parentingquotes #parentingishard
...

Reflux: It’s more common than you think! Comment “Link” for an article by @thepediatricianmom breaking down the information we have about reflux — what it is, what you can do, and red flags to look out for.

This graph shows how reflux changes with age. Nearly half of all babies experience reflux by 3 months, often peaking around 4 months before improving by their first birthday. And remember, if you’re struggling, you’re not alone. The most effective treatment for infant reflux is time. It will get better!

#parentdata #refluxbaby #babyreflux #spitup #parentingadvice #emilyoster

Reflux: It’s more common than you think! Comment “Link” for an article by @thepediatricianmom breaking down the information we have about reflux — what it is, what you can do, and red flags to look out for.

This graph shows how reflux changes with age. Nearly half of all babies experience reflux by 3 months, often peaking around 4 months before improving by their first birthday. And remember, if you’re struggling, you’re not alone. The most effective treatment for infant reflux is time. It will get better!

#parentdata #refluxbaby #babyreflux #spitup #parentingadvice #emilyoster
...

We’re heading into a three-day weekend, which means a lot of you might take the opportunity to do some potty training. 

Here are some things to keep in mind:
🚽 It takes longer than three days (based on the data!)
🚽 Your child will have trouble staying dry at night.
🚽 Poop sometimes comes later than pee – this is common, you just have to work through it.

Comment “Link” for an article that breaks down potty training data from ParentData readers,  along with helpful tips and tricks.

#pottytraining #pottytrainingtips #pottytrainingproblems #parentdata #emilyoster

We’re heading into a three-day weekend, which means a lot of you might take the opportunity to do some potty training.

Here are some things to keep in mind:
🚽 It takes longer than three days (based on the data!)
🚽 Your child will have trouble staying dry at night.
🚽 Poop sometimes comes later than pee – this is common, you just have to work through it.

Comment “Link” for an article that breaks down potty training data from ParentData readers, along with helpful tips and tricks.

#pottytraining #pottytrainingtips #pottytrainingproblems #parentdata #emilyoster
...

Trampoline parks: great way to get the sillies out or injury haven? Or both? Comment “Link” for an article breaking down a 2023 study on injury trends in trampoline parks.

Here’s a visualisation based on the paper, showing the injury rate by area. Beware the foam pit and the high-performance areas! Slam-dunking, though, seems fine.

#parentdata #emilyoster #trampolinepark #childsafety #trampolinefun

Trampoline parks: great way to get the sillies out or injury haven? Or both? Comment “Link” for an article breaking down a 2023 study on injury trends in trampoline parks.

Here’s a visualisation based on the paper, showing the injury rate by area. Beware the foam pit and the high-performance areas! Slam-dunking, though, seems fine.

#parentdata #emilyoster #trampolinepark #childsafety #trampolinefun
...

I’m teaming up with @Wholefoods to remind you that even though school lunches can be tricky, they have everything you need, from conventional to organic, to give you peace of mind about the foods your kids eat. Through their rigorous Quality Standards, they ban 300+ ingredients from food. 

Does your kid have any special or weird lunch requests? Share in the comments! Tap the link in my bio for more tips and inspiration #WholeFoodsMarket

I’m teaming up with @Wholefoods to remind you that even though school lunches can be tricky, they have everything you need, from conventional to organic, to give you peace of mind about the foods your kids eat. Through their rigorous Quality Standards, they ban 300+ ingredients from food.

Does your kid have any special or weird lunch requests? Share in the comments! Tap the link in my bio for more tips and inspiration #WholeFoodsMarket
...

Travel is already stressful. Add kids to the equation, and it becomes even more complicated. Here are 3 tips and considerations for handling jet lag in kids.

#travelwithkids #jetlag #melatonin #parentingtips #parentdata #emilyoster

Travel is already stressful. Add kids to the equation, and it becomes even more complicated. Here are 3 tips and considerations for handling jet lag in kids.

#travelwithkids #jetlag #melatonin #parentingtips #parentdata #emilyoster
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