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My kid will be seeing relatives for the first time. Should I be concerned about heightened stranger anxiety? How do I deal with it?
Anonymous
Children vary a lot in their stranger anxiety. And it doesn’t always correlate with what you’d think! Kids who are in child care may have less anxiety or more. Much of it comes down to personality, which may also change over time. It’s also worth remembering: being worried on its own isn’t usually very helpful. Unless there is something you can do about this, just worrying about it probably will not help. Maybe your child will love Uncle Chuck and his weird mustache, or maybe he will not, but he’s going to meet Uncle Chuck regardless.
If a child has extreme anxiety about new situations, such that it is interfering with the ability to adapt to child care or school, this is something you could bring to your pediatrician. There are some forms of behavioral therapy that can help, but again, this would likely come up only if this is interfering with everyday activities.
When it comes to this everyday stranger anxiety, there is one lesson to remember. There is often a lot of family pressure to have children play a certain role. Pressure for the infant to stay up late and entertain grandma. Pressure for the baby to be friendly and happy to be held by any random relative. Pressure for the toddler to be adorable and wave on command. Pressure for the 10-year-old to play with her aunt rather than read in her room.
You cannot avoid all of this. What you can do is remember that kids are people too, and that you do not have to perform with them. If it is bedtime for your infant, it’s bedtime. Even if there are still ornaments to be hung or the baby doesn’t “look tired.” If your kid wants to take a break to read in their room, that is a choice they should at least sometimes be able to make.
This is a good lesson to adopt as a parent, no matter the occasion.
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