My wife and I have a 2 and a half year old and expecting a second. Before our first was born, we made a promise that we would go on one child free vacation a year, just the 2 of us. I realize that we are extremely privileged to be able to do this, but it is really nice to have time away from our daughter and reconnect with each other in a way we really can’t when our daughter is around. I know it’s hard to be away from your kids, and it’s okay to miss them and think about them, but I believe it’s also important to have time with just your spouse, even if it is just for a few days. It’s so easy to get worn down by the daily grind of raising kids, so time away with each other just helps to remind us why we fell in love and decided to start a family in the first place.

No idea of this was helpful, but just thoufht I’d share!

Sending lots of love your way. My only advice is to try to reframe. I understand that it can be a bummer to picture a kid-free honeymoon type situation only to find out that you are missing your kids instead of being kid-free. To me it sounds like you had unrealistic expectations. The bad news, and the good news, is that you will never be kid-free again. So then let’s reframe: what benefit can a trip like this have, if you’re never really kid-free? The benefit is that it causes you to miss your kids! Missing your kids is a great benefit!! Getting to miss them and long to have them back, getting to feel overjoyed for when you will get to reunite with them, is a huge perk of the trip! Of course you’re not back to your pre-children self, that would be impossible. You won’t just stop remembering them or loving them when they’re far away. But being far away and getting to miss them will help you remember how much you enjoy them and how it can be delightful to be around them. It’s hard and I’m sending you love!

I empathize with this a lot, is the first thing I’ll say! But I’ve done a few trips without my daughter (who’s a bit over three now) and I’m getting better at being in the moment. My goal is always to be fully present when I’m with her, and then when I’m at work or traveling, to be fully present there and trying to really lean into all the reasons why that work or trip are important. I also remind myself that it’s actually a wonderful thing for my daughter to get special bonding time with just her dad for a few days, or her grandparents.

Last summer, when my daughter was two, I went on a week long writing retreat in the Hudson Valley. It was gorgeous and valuable and I felt so guilty being there, away from her for six days! The second day, consumed with missing her, I met another woman there who has a three and five year old at home. “I feel guilty being away from my daughter!” I told her. She said, “Oh my god, why?! It’s so good for them!! You get sick of them, they get sick of mom, everyone needs a re set sometimes. Stop feeling guilty this minute. It’s good you’re here.” She was so confident that I immediately felt better.

As a mother of 3 now-grown kids, I can offer two insights:
1. It gets easier the more you do it! The first time is oh-so-tough, but trust me, by the 3rd or 4th you’ll naturally settle into a more kid-free mindset.
2. It gets easier as the kids get older! The littles are just so darn cute; even when they’re a pain, they’re still so cute! Tweens and teens, honestly, not so much. And even the elementary-ages are less adorable (they’re great! but you don’t want to munch on their knees and elbows anymore!).
So: practice and know that time is on your side 🙂

I’m sitting here on a very rare morning without my 2 and 4 year old so can really relate. The only thing I can add is that the missing them is what makes getting back to them so good, the things that were so hard won’t be as hard for a while when you’re back together. So I try to revel in the missing them a bit, knowing we’ll be back together soon and I’ll be a more patient mom for a little longer than usual 🙂

Perfectly timed post for me! My husband and I are about to go on a 12-day (!!!) trip abroad with friends. This will be the longest and furthest I’ve ever been away from my kids (5 and 2). I’m simultaneously very excited and very nervous. My in-laws are wonderful and more than capable, but this is a long time!

You enjoy yourself AND you miss them! You embrace the dialectic and hold the two together with an “AND” not a “but” (e.g., I should be enjoying my time away, but I miss my kids a lot.)

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