“Running, Activism, and Motherhood” by Alison Mariella Désir
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Thread closing on 8 March, 2024
“Running, Activism, and Motherhood” by Alison Mariella Désir
Today we’re sharing a personal essay by Alison Mariella Désir, the author of Running While Black and the host and producer of the award-winning show Out & Back with Alison Mariella Désir. In this essay, Alison shares some of her pregnancy, birth, and postpartum journey, ending with a beautiful reflection about the impact motherhood has had on her.
Feel free to share your thoughts and perhaps even some of your own story below, and let us know if you’d like to read more essays like this one!
—Denisse, Community Manager
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This really resonated with me!! I had this image in my head of what pregnancy and postpartum would look like for me but my actual experience was totally different. I gained more weight than was recommended and had a really tough time working out and then had to be induced at 37 weeks for gestational hypertension. I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy-like I somehow caused the hypertension by gaining extra weight and not working out? Ridiculous thought but it still creeps in. Glad to hear someone else went through this as well!
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I am grateful you had a safe delivery and I’m so sorry you had to fear for your life during birth.
I had a traumatic delivery with my first baby that almost cost me my life and did cost me my fertility— doctors tore an artery during C-section, didn’t catch it, bled out, hysterectomy. This was preventable and caused by medical system (and don’t get me started on how the system deflected any questions after!)
Fixing health care for black women must be top priority. When our most vulnerable populations are cared for, everyone is cared for. When our most vulnerable mothers have good outcomes, everyone’s outcomes are improved.
Thank you for your activism.
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You are a beautiful writer! You brought your story and feelings to life, and while I share some similarities I also learned about some things I’ve never experienced. Thank you for opening minds and hearts and sharing.
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Really loved reading this. I struggled with PPD and didn’t realize it actually started pre-birth. I had similar feelings of losing what I knew to be my self, but, then like you said, it took a few years to get the old feelings again to then develop this new self. So good to hear someone else going through a similar thing. Glad you made it out to the other side!
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I appreciate this story so much. It is so relatable to me. Someone who, pre-baby, was an independent, successful career driven woman, lost herself once the baby came. It took years for me to re-identify myself. And I truly believe it is not discussed enough to women. Once I was pregnant with my second baby, I was determine to have a different experience, and help other woman transition through motherhood. I started in-person new moms group to discuss this very topic and a ton more. We need to normalize this transition, how it can be very difficult for many. To prepare emotionally and mentally as much as we do with the physical baby items…
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The world needs more humans like Alison who can stand in the spotlight and hold space for the struggle that is post partum. Women are expected to handle things better, and be tougher. There’s a guilt that comes with asking for help or needing medication. I am actually going through this currently as I am 18 weeks pregnant with my second. I had very bad PPD with my first (CS, 2020 pandemic baby) and see no reason not to proactively start Zoloft before delivering this baby. But, my dr. told me how I “might not need it”, that my “experience is so valuable”. But isn’t this just telling me that I should be able to tough it out this time since I know what to expect? Medication is safe during pregnancy, and if it can possibly help with any PPD that crops up, then why not? Why do I need to be “tough”?
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Trust your instincts. I had a traumatic birth and a difficult recovery, plus I was not able to produce sufficient breastmilk to exclusively breastfeed, which was my plan (and fervent hope) at the time. I felt so much shame around seeking help and not getting the help that I needed. I felt broken. And I felt like no one in the medical system took my complaints seriously. Three years later I feel like I’m finally putting myself back together again. And the one really good thing I’ve learned through this whole process is to trust my instincts. If you feel like you need something but your medical provider is telling you that you don’t, listen to what you already know you need. People are constantly trying to convince us as women and mothers that we need less support, that we should just struggle through and sacrifice our comfort and safety and mental health for others, and to that I say, hell no.
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1 year, 11 months agoLoved this piece!
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