What’s Your Go-To Boundary Setting Statement?
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What’s Your Go-To Boundary Setting Statement?
After the holiday weekend, we’ve probably all spent time with family and friends, and, unfortunately, many of us have probably had someone question our parenting choices. Doesn’t he need a hat? More cupcakes? Just let her stay up late!
The question: How do you respond? What’s your go-to boundary-setting statement? Share in the forum!
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My favourite way to set a boundary is to respond as though someone has made a kind offer or asked a curious question. Just be unable to hear the judgement. No justifications needed.
Doesn’t she need a hat? Oh, no thank you, she’s great like that.
Are you sure? Yes! Thank you 🙂 🙂 🙂
You’re letting him have all those sweets? Oh, yes, absolutely!
Just let her stay up! Oh, no thanks, we’re going to put her to bed now. But I love that you want to spend time with her!
It keeps the tone light and very seldom does someone want to double down and say out loud “no, what I mean is that I think you’re doing it wrong.” And when they do (looking at you, MIL) it still works, you can just say “Oh, that’s too bad! Sorry you feel that way!”
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This is so useful, and so beautifully expressed! It’s also a very handy approach in other realms of life (looking at you, work). I think of it as responding to the best possible interpretation of what someone said. It’s a rare person who will persist in the face of it.
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This is lovely! On this same note, if you’re dealing with not-totally-toxic family (which I recognize is a totally different territory)… I saw something on TikTok that I found useful. It said that millennials like to use the word “boundary” and it’s for some reason a trigger word for the older generations. This person said if we can get across our “family rules” and “guidelines” without specifically using the word boundary, it can be a game changer. Again, there’s a lot of toxic family out there that you may not be willing to work with in that regard, but responding to this comment because it feels in the same vein if you’re feeling agreeable and light!
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1 year, 9 months agoI’m so glad this is the question for the week because I struggle with this! All of the responses I thought of after-the-fact were not very nice, but I do want something I can say that reminds people that they are not the parent (maybe because I’m postpartum with two under 2 and a little hormonal?)
My mom recently made a comment about how she was bummed that my brother and I aren’t continuing a Christmas tradition that we grew up with. She said, “We always dreamed of doing this with our grandchildren.” My response was, “Luckily you got to do it with your kids!”
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Day 3 of a four day weekend? I wish! You know most people don’t get that Friday off unless they take leave…which is harder to do in the same year as maternity leave.
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Might not be a four day weekend for you (or me!) but it sure is for my kids!! I’m happy our childcare workers have a day off, but these fairly inconsequential holidays always screw with us when it comes to childcare! Maybe that’s what Emily meant 🙂 hope you’re able to find some rest and relaxation, even if it’s just winning a fight with your partner to be the one folding laundry 😉
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I just answer in a normal natural tone “yes/no/no need/I don’t think so/she’s ok like this”, most people just want what’s best, even if they are maybe being judgemental in some way.
When it’s something deeper like questioning our lifestyle (which happens now and then since for example we’re vegan), I eventually say that when they are well informed about the subject and want to really discuss it, I’m available, until then I’m not engaging because their arguments do not make sense to me since I studied it deeply (which I did!) and they just want to impose their opinion, not learn why we decided to do it like we do.
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If I’m really over it with my child-free friends: “I was such a good parent before I had kids, too!”
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