mommyofthepeople

No. Lol jk it’s obviously not that simple, but I’ll share my experience in case it helps. Disclaimer because moms online can be very mean and misinterpret anything that is not completely positive about parenting: I love my kids, I didn’t know I could feel love like this, my world has expanded they are wonderful I enjoy being a mother and I am doing a good job.

Now for the experience: I was in a verrrry similar position before I chose to become a parent, except my partner desperately wanted to be a parent so there was a little added pressure that helped push me over into the “ok I’ll do it” camp. I had twins. They needed nicu time. We couldn’t find a daycare that would take both for over a year. I was an extremely happy, lively, adventurous person pre-kid, and now every day is a challenge, it’s very difficult to access that part of myself, and I find myself really struggling to not waste these years when they’re young wishing we could just fast forward to when it will be a little easier. No I don’t regret becoming a parent, but yes I was *happier* and enjoyed my life *more* before becoming a parent. I feel lucky that my kids are now healthy and developing typically but I also know parents whose kids aren’t, and just the fact that it could be even harder or sadder than I imagined (or could be more than one kid lol) isn’t something I considered before making the decision. Everyone says it gets easier and I know it will, and I’m sure I’ll go back to being happy when I’m not fighting for my life every single day lol. I just keep thinking how if I wasn’t sure I wanted kids before making the decision I would be really miserable right now. If your parent friends seem more depressed it’s because they are. I think people who are deciding this very difficult thing to decide should be made fully aware that it may mean sacrificing happiness and productivity at your job and potentially friendships and a lot lot lot of money for a few years for the hope of whatever fulfillment comes when you’re older and they’re more independent and you get a bit of your life back.

I know this is so hard. Solidarity, friend.