AS-PhillyMama

Response

I relate so much to your post – also 35 (as is my spouse) and recently promoted from dog mom to dog AND human mom. I acknowledge I’m still in a uniquely challenging and specific time in parenthood, being only 6-7 weeks postpartum and still adjusting to life with a newborn, so my perspective is limited. But as someone who was similarly grappling with the decisions of having children (do I really want them, or have I just always thought I did because of my strong family values?), how to stay committed to my career with kid, and how to manage these questions against my “closing window,” my take is this: a) A child can ignite a love in you that is completely unlike the love felt for spouse or pet (and this comes from someone who has long treated her fur baby like a human baby); it’s bigger, deeper, scarier, eternally binding and soul-shifting; and I do think as a result of all that, so incredibly rewarding. But also b) This is the hardest job I will ever have, period, and it’s for life. So if I encountered anyone “on the fence” about having kids, I’d tell them to take real time to figure out with their partner if they are both damn sure they want/need to experience the kind of love described above in their lives. If the answer is yes, go for it! If it’s “I think our/my life is full and wonderful as is,” then enjoy your life and all its freedoms! It will be beautiful and a very full life either way.

Somewhat unrelated but an evolution of the discussion above that’s now happening in our family – my husband and I are reconsidering our longtime plan of “having two kids”, as many of us without real parenting experience envision; we now think maybe we’re good with just one, so we can give her the very best we have (saving some for the dog, of course) while still maintaining some of our own lifestyle as it relates to travel, our career paths, and just generally having more flexibility. I’d also be curious to see the data on this, but I see many of my millennial peers also having only one kid, so I wonder if my daughter will experience the same degree of “loneliness” of being an only child that I saw among only children during my own childhood in the 90s, a time where most families had multiple kids. My hypothesis is that more of her peers will also be only children, so she may not feel the FOMO of having a sibling. But – I could have a totally different position on this six months or a year from now!