Anniepaigebernard

I recently lost my daughter an hour after birth.
People say “no one talks about grief” but the fact is – almost everyone has an experience with grief, and does talk about it.
I found to my surprise that I didn’t want to talk about it with others. I felt immense pressure to perform sadness for others, and I prefer to deal with my grief privately. I’m good at asking for help, so this works for me. I ask for help and share when I need it.
Understand that your family member may not conform to what you expect their grief to look like.
As my uncle recently told me (he lost his first wife after a ten year battle with cancer) – “some people find denial at Starbucks traumatizing, others lose a child (or a beloved wife) and keep moving forward in spite of it.”
The people who have comforted me the most are the people in my inner circle, by just continuing to live life with me, and acknowledging my daughter, but not treating me any differently – I crave this normalcy. Let them be, and just be with them. Follow their lead. You’re probably going to say things that are wrong, but try anyway. Don’t make it about you. Bring food or DoorDash gift cards. Gift meaningful jewelry (@madebymary is a great place to start). Don’t impose your beliefs of the afterlife or spirituality on them. This will be more annoying than comforting. There is no formula for grief, no magic potion to take it away. It needs to be experienced, it’s a gift to experience. It is a form of love.