mindysdaughter

Last summer I developed severe preeclampsia at 23 weeks, had to end the pregnancy to save my life and my daughter did not survive. It was so violent, such a shock. Nothing can prepare you for this experience. Things that people did that I appreciated: anything or nothing. Others have said this but anything that just appears is lovely. I found it almost intolerable when someone would ask what they could do to help, or if I needed anything. One friend sent two giant Muffuletta sandwiches from New Orleans through Goldbelly and I still think about those grief sandwiches. One friend just showed up and stayed with me for a few days. We watched an old season of Project Runway and she rubbed my feet and cried with me. I’ve found it healing to tell the story of what happened in detail to close friends. It’s allowed me to transform this horrible thing that happened to me, into a narrative that I have some power in shaping. Make space for her to share her story and cry with her. Ask if she wants you to share what happened with others and in what level of detail. I found it very stressful to interact with people who didn’t know, especially when I returned to work. It felt like it might accidentally come up at any moment and I had no control of my emotions at the time. I think people want to be respectful of something so personal, but I honestly wish others had taken the burden of spreading the news. One other thing, keep reaching out even if she doesn’t respond. Another friend had had a baby a few weeks before I lost my daughter. She texted me every few weeks to let me know she was thinking about me and that she understood why I couldn’t talk to her. I didn’t respond at all for months, but she kept doing this and that meant a lot.