chm

Can relate so much to your quandary! As someone who is typing this with a sleeping 3-month-old in the other room, I’ll add something to the conversation that others haven’t pointed out yet: check the fertility for both partners if you even have the *faintest* idea that having a kid is something you might want in the future.

By the time I read the book recommended here and had agonizing conversations with my partner (and my dog died, leaving me with love that had no place to go) we were told that conceiving wouldn’t happen spontaneously for us due to various factors. We tried IVF. It failed.

I wish someone had told me to check fertility sooner because once I had finally decided to have a kid, I was told I couldn’t. It’s a gnarly kind of grief that seeps into your bones.

Now, our story had an unexpected ending! But in the process of trying for a child and failing I realized just how much I desired the adventure of having a kid. And I discovered my own resilience. Against all odds, here she is. Spontaneously. I had made peace with being childfree, but this path? For me, the emotional connection, wonder and awe is so much more exciting.

After 40 years of vehemently knowing I never wanted children, I honestly wish I had had her sooner. My life has taken on a new meaning I never could have foreseen. In the new Steve! Documentary on Apple TV, there’s a quote that goes, “you go from being a ship out on the seas of the world to suddenly being a harbor for someone else.” I love that analogy. And currently, I love being that harbor. Best of luck making the choice.