Word_DC

This sounds really frustrating, and I want to first say that I feel for you!

A friend once said to me, “there’s no such thing as free childcare.” And man is it true! When we parents have others watch our kids, it means giving up a lot of control. In your case, it sounds like the loss of more than a lot of control.

Is there ONE over-consumption piece at your MIL’s that bothers you the most? The sugar, the TV, the lack of school while you’re on vacation? If this were my MIL, I think I would pick ONE battle (and for me, it would probably be school, because the loss of daily routine would likely be the most challenging for my own kids).

I can say that in my own experience, I’ve learned to lean into the loss of control that I have when my kids are with my in-laws or my parents’ house (my kids see my in-laws multiple afternoons each week, and my parents every weekend). At both grandparents’ houses, rules are way different than at home. Overindulgence is the name of the game with my parents — and actually, under-indulgence can be an issue at my in-laws! (No TV — but also frequently a single bagel for dinner, or literally a single tortilla! I’ve learned my kids will be hungry if they have dinner at my in-laws’ house.)

But what I have realized is that my kids love being with their grandparents, and they love having the change in routine — and rules. And they know that at our house, those rules (or lack thereof) don’t apply. And I am grateful for the “free” childcare.

In your case, it sounds like there are some extremes to potentially address — because it sounds like they make you uncomfortable! But I do think that there’s some benefit in saying “eff it” when you drop your kids at the door of their grandparents’ house. So long as you know they are safe, and loved, and cared for, then you’ve done what you can do. And your kid(s) will probably have wonderful memories of grandma’s house. 🙂