emjane

Thank you for the phrase “the first we get to bring home” I am filing that away for (hopeful) future use.

I am sorry you are in such dark days. Loss is deeply tragic and utterly unfair.
In September, I lost my daughter at 36 weeks, without any warning signs that things had taken a turn. I think everyone’s grief and loss is different, but here are things that I found helpful that others could do for me.
– not being afraid to check in, acknowledge the situation, and use my daughter Cora’s name. Text messages to start, in particular were helpful because I could choose whether or not to engage right away.
– drop-offs of snacks, tea, and other easy to grab ways to get comfort sustenance. Eventually getting full meals were also helpful, but early on, even eating something someone else made felt like too much effort. A handful of nuts, a scone from my favorite cafe, favorite treats from childhood (for me, pringles) got me through those first days. Door dash gift cards also allow me to continue to rely on the kindness of others when days are particularly hard even months later.
-remember she is still dealing with the body complications of postpartum. Extra ibuprofen, Tylenol, adult diapers, witch hazel foam, Ace bandages for binding and cabbage leaves for relief in trying to stop milk flow, etc.
-if they have other children or animals offer care
– don’t be shy to share you are also grieving, yet also try to do your deepest grieving not with her
-MOST IMPORTANT (for me, anyways) was no one saying “everything happens for a reason” or “it’s all God’s plan” People very close to me ran interference to make sure no one said those to me.