Geb

I have a very indulgent MIL as well, and what’s kind of helped is explaining why we want things done certain ways. My son is really sensitive and routines are so helpful for him to feel safe and know what to expect. So, we’ve told my MIL that we want him in bed and all the bedtime routine done by 8 at the latest because he is a much nicer and better behaved kid if he sleeps enough (think tantrum city without enough sleep). Also, once we come back from our trip, we will be doing the regular routine which means he’s gotta be able to sleep around 8 so that he can get up and go to school which let’s me go to work. If he can’t adjust back to the normal schedule then that has larger effects than just a grumpy kid. It messes with the whole family dynamic- if I’m dealing with a tantruming toddler there’s so many other things that get missed.

As far as food, that’s so tough. My MIL loves to sneak him sugar and is obsessed with making sure he eats enough (to the point where she’s basically shoving more food into him). I just constantly remind her that’s not how we eat at home. My husband has had to intervene and be pretty direct by saying do not give him any more sugar and we trust him to he listen to his body as far as how much he wants to eat.

I have to be firm and tell my MIL the consequences of her actions. If she chooses not to listen to my family’s boundaries and our expectations for how to care for my children, then she is being irresponsible, disrespectful, and clearly cannot be trusted to watch my kids. The consequence is that she will not be allowed to be involved in raising her grandchild. I know that’s really difficult when she’s the only child care option, but if it’s to the point where your child is not being cared for properly, then you have to intervene.

As far as kindergarten – you could remind her that public education is mandatory and that in some US states parents are held legally responsible and can be charged if their children miss too much school. (Idk what Canadian rules are). Also, I tell my MIL that daycare is a great opportunity for her to relax without the kids and I know that everyone needs some kid-free time!

I feel you, and I see the struggle you’re having. It’s really tough and unfair. The conversations are hard and uncomfortable, but you need to do what’s best for your family and your son.

Your virtual village is behind you. Activate your inner mama or papa bear and advocate for what your family needs. Wishing you all the best!