MuddyHolly

Finally, a parenting data question that I can (sadly) participate in!

Everything mentioned thus far is spot on. Prior to this happening to us in 2022, I was always someone who stressed about saying the “perfect” thing or sending the perfect condolence package to someone dealing with loss — but I was incredibly touched by the amount of friends and family who sent something when we lost our son. It didn’t matter what— food, plants, tea, a good book, a kind note— it was simply the acknowledgment that made a very isolating and lonely experience a little less so.

I also strongly encourage continuing to ask your sister how she is doing postpartum and love another contributor’s suggestion of ensuring she is included in conversations surrounding motherhood, particularly if this was her first. This was perhaps one of the most painful/ isolating parts of this experience for me- you don’t have a living child to show for it, but your body has been through the same trauma as every other new mom out there yet you are often a forgotten member of “the club”. It’s pretty lonely.

Something which has not been mentioned yet but I think it important to mention: I had quite a few well-meaning friends who would compare their first trimester miscarriages/ D&c’s to our situation. While I objectively could understand that they were simply trying to empathize, this felt reductive and cruel. To anyone reading- Please don’t do this.