Jen O

To the mom just hanging on with three – I only have two (2.5 year old twins) plus an extremely demanding job, and agree that I am JUST barely hanging in there. Can I ask people… is it okay if many of my friendships are on hold? I just… don’t have mental capacity for much of it, ESPECIALLY for my child-free friends (many of whom aren’t just “child-free” but pretty openly uninterested in anything to do with children) who want to talk about current TV and pop culture and complaints about things that seem, to me, extremely low-priority! Maybe that’s a separate problem, but can anyone relate? To be clear, I knew that having children would change my friendships, but I’m honestly not feeling that SAD about the loss of those friendships – but I know those friends are feeling very hurt by my “absence”!

I think you said it all: it is the meaning of life AND an enormous toll. It’s not one or the other, it’s absolutely both.

So you kind of have to decide what you think can live with: missing out on what you say seems to be represented as the most meaningful experience a person can have BUT being day-to-day likely slightly unhappier, OR having a happier moment-to-moment existence but never doing this thing that all of your generations of family members that led to you have done and that many (though obviously not all) people find enormous meaning in. And part of that equation is: which “worst case scenario” outcome is worse for you?

Hi! ADHD mom here of 2.5 year old twin boys. I’m fortunate in that I was diagnosed on the young side for a girl and through rigorous therapy and practice, plus medication when I was younger, have a lot of “scaffolding” in place in my life in terms of routines and structure.

Are you in therapy? I am, because I am finding a constant need to reparent myself as I have become a mom – not because my parents were HORRIBLE (they weren’t, they really did their best!) but because I was not receiving what *I* needed as ND little girl in the 90s (from my parents, school, or society) and now I am having to do the hard work of reparenting that little girl so I can be the best mom possible to my babies without passing on anything generationally. Is that something that resonates with you? It’s making a huge difference for me. A perinatal or motherhood-transition specialist could help you sort through some of this; mine has changed my life.

I always say that my dream day is just a full day alone in a quiet hotel room, or walking a city street where no one needs me. I was fortunate enough to take such a day as an add-on to a business trip, and even though it was literally only 24 hours, it was EXTREMELY rejuvenating. Is that an option for you?

I promise you’re not alone, and I promise this phase (young children who need us 24/7) is not forever.

I want to echo this! I understand the desire to change the format to a “Community” section and an “article” section, but as someone who has been a ParentData subscriber since the very beginning, the activity has WAY dropped off since this change. I think the Community could grow over time but it’s too hard to find and not a “go to” in the way that reading the newsletter in your email and commenting used to be.

Maybe there’s a way to put a link at the bottom of the newsletter and articles to a “Comment on this post!” link, so the article and community are directly connected. Not sure if not having that is a decision or a technical challenge but it would be incredible to have that type of discussion back – I miss it!