Jessquire

My MIL actually was able to offer us help in a way that I thought was as nice as anyone could be: She saw that we were struggling with certain behavioral issues with our oldest, and I know she wanted to be helpful. She basically said, I know that you guys are exhausted and trying your hardest and feeling frustrated, a friend of mine said her daughter/SIL joined this parenting class/support group thing for parents of toddlers and they said it gave them great insights but also was mostly just *reassuring to bond with other parents and be reminded that difficulties were normal*. (Key items here: she started with empathy; she made her suggestion about something my husband and I – both extroverts/very social – would *like* and not something she thought we “needed” or “should do”; and she normalized what we were going through as just, every parent/kid combo has things come up where they have to think intentionally about strategies.) She knew we were looking for solutions here, so she could take the role as a partner in looking for solutions and respecting our need to pick what WE thought would work for us. (She also offered to help pay for it, which was lovely, although for some that might have come across as “i really think you should do this because you need parenting advice, and I feel so strongly about it that I will pay for it”.) Because we were looking for solutions and ideas ourselves, this worked. If someone is NOT looking for solutions (EG if these parents are like, this is how we want to do it and we don’t care if we are losing sleep, we will never sleep train using any method) then it doesn’t matter how you say it, it will be unwelcomed, and you have to have a particular relationship to push something someone doesn’t want to hear. If they ARE wanting to do something but are just uncomfortable with the strategies they have seen, you could suggest something that meets the things you know they are looking for (not just “sleep training” but like “able to soothe baby during sleep training, right for the age your baby is, etc”) with the introduction of “oh I know you were looking for XYZ and I heard about this site/person/etc who meets those requirements, want me to send you the link so you can see if it could work for you?” And if they say no, DROP IT and move on 🙂 They are grown ups, they can figure out for themselves when *they* need to change.