Jess

I’m so sorry for the loss of your nephew.

My first pregnancy ended at 25 weeks, and what helped me most was safe, loving spaces to talk about it. Family and friends who reached out with empathy and kindness, and who listened while I tried to process the hardest thing I had ever been through, both physically and emotionally. Continued check-ins over time and not being afraid to mention my daughter felt very supportive, and continue to make me feel loved 2+ years later.

What I didn’t know I needed at the time was to treat myself like the postpartum mom I was, physically. Especially at 38 weeks, your sister will be going through all of the postpartum shifts – body trying to lactate, hormones all over the place, body in rough shape from nine months of pregnancy – without being able to hold her baby and while trying to manage her grief. If you can, help her be gentle with herself. I wish I had done all of the things I did after my second pregnancy: rested, taken it very, very slow as my body healed, seen a PT specializing in pelvic and orthopedic health when appropriate (usually six weeks postpartum or later), and acknowledged the very real and very major changes my body was recovering from.

I’m sure this feels very far off to everyone right now, but if your sister is pregnant again in future, know that it is likely to be an incredibly stressful experience for her. I struggled hugely with anxiety during my second pregnancy, and had such a hard time believing that it was going to result in me bringing my baby home. Having people acknowledge that and check in on me didn’t lessen the anxiety, but did help me to feel less alone in it.

Again, I’m so, so sorry for your family’s loss. Your sister’s baby will always be her son, will always be your nephew, and it sounds like will always be so, so loved
by his whole family.