Kelly

First, I see and feel you – mama! I’ll share some of what our week to week looks like, and I hope the “comparison trap” you’re feeling will lessen. Because we are amazing at mothering, too, but of course in our own very unique way.

I only socialize on playdates 1, absolute max 2 times a week. I find the multi-tasking incredibly draining, as you say (it’s even hard to take the dog to the park at the same time as minding my little one!).

I also break down all of my tasks into pieces. On Fridays, we go grocery shopping. Then, on Monday mornings, I choose meals for the week from cookbooks (I like the visual aspect) based on ingredients in the fridge (& I make it a fun activity as my daughter and I do it together). Of note, I always choosing at least two 15 min meals in the rota. I cook the 15 min meals on the days I have very little energy, and save anything more complicated for days I feel “good”. Any recipes with additional items I pick up on Wednesday and I schedule to cook those later in the week. I have all of this in my Google calendar so I don’t need to “remember” anything, instead my phone just reminds me.

Activity wise, I use similar systems. Sensory challenging activities (for me, high noise environments) I have completely stopped doing. Nobody wins! I’ve replaced soft play places with at-home, creative / messy play that we both love. Yes, it requires a bit more planning but ultimately keeps me much more regulated. I have no guilt here, just pride that I am doing what’s best for me — and in turn my daughter.

The biggest learning I’ve had is that having the right expectations for myself & others keeps me in a positive mood / well regulated. I used to think of this as “lowering” my expectations, when in fact it’s just setting expectations that are correct for my neurodiverse self. For example I now have the expectation that I do very little socially on the weekend (I need downtime!) and to expect that at least one naptime / bedtime goes sideways each week.

When something feels hard, I have a list of 15-20 strategies that I refer to and choose one to implement next time that something comes about that I believe can make it feel easier. Like, adding additional buffer time in. Or, positioning it as a challenge rather than a task (I have demand avoidance).

As you said, systems are our friend. The way I operate as a mother can feel “crazy” and “intense” and “over the top” — and probably does to many of you reading this! — but being very methodical in how I work with the business that is motherhood now allows me to be present & truly joyful (something I did not have access to for the first year of mothering). Again, I have no shame. Just love for the fact that I’ve been brave enough to live in a way that truly works for me.

This clarity has come thanks to a lot of self reflection & some therapy — but more importantly an unwavering belief in myself. Cultivate that and you will flourish! Because above all, I guarantee that your *resilience* is what your children will take away from being raised by you. We all will have our own kind of “hard” (neurodiverse or not) to contend with. Learning how to harness it as our power is how we maintain our wellbeing. Your children will be getting a front row seat as to how you do this day in, day out.

All the love to you! and I hope this helps xoxo