ksea444

My husband and I are mid/late 30s with a 2 year old and a very active pre child life, and are so, so, so happy we chose to have a child. But it’s so personal.
I think mulling over this decision is very important for you and your marriage and is a sign you two would be very thoughtful parents if you choose that route. I will just say, just as in everything, if you choose to have a baby, you can choose to chart your own path. Our toddler is the absolute light of our lives but we are also very attached to the things that make us happy: seeing friends and family, traveling, etc. We both work full-time jobs and send our child to daycare every weekday. We chose to live in a city near our friends so we wouldn’t lose sight of them (note: most of our friends who live close by all don’t have kids but are very supportive, though we recognize we also need to build our community as our kid grows). Almost every week, my husband and I switch off and one of us goes out to see friends or take a workout class after putting the baby down while the other hangs back. Date nights are hard but we prioritize them in our budget and try to hire a babysitter at least once a month to go out. We also still travel. We’ve been to two continents already with our baby with no plans to stop.
I guess what I am trying to say is you don’t necessarily have to give up the things you love if you have a kid. In fact, you shouldn’t! A kid should fit into your life, with some adjustments. Yes, you will have to give up sleeping in for the next 10 years. You and your husband will have to give up being able to go out freely after work hours or on weekends whenever you want without worrying about childcare (unless you can afford a live in nanny or have family nearby, which we cannot and do not). You also have to commit financially to a very, very different budget that will impact many things you care about. For us, since we wanted to stay in a city near friends and arts and culture, etc., we are spending more on rent and daycare costs than we would if we moved to a smaller town. But it’s worth it since it makes us all happier. We spend way less on things for ourselves than before, but it’s given both of us an opportunity to take stock of what we have in a new light.
None of this is easy, and I know it’ll get harder before it gets easier since we will one day go for a second kid. But there are examples of people who travel and see friends etc. with their kid, and you should know that!
Finally, I recommend “Hunt, Gather, Parent.” It really helped me wrap my head around a parenting mindset that aligns with my values.
Good luck whichever way you go!