LolaBean

I do feel a bit if pressure to speak negatively about parenting to non parents. Mostly because I feel bad for them that they either didn’t have the opportunity to have children, or couldn’t have children, or were limited in some way that made them not want to have children. So it’s a bit of self deprecation to try to make them feel better re. what to me is such a huge loss.

But then once you’re part of the club all artifice falls away. It is just the best isn’t it?? 🙂

My husband and I met at 23 and on our first date he asked me if I wanted kids and how many and we both agreed two would be nice. So for us it was never a question of if, but when. I got pregnant with my first at 31 and was heavily on the career track and I will admit it was a shock. I live in Canada so I had a year off and I felt very isolated and out of the loop. My friends (and husband!) were still going to work and socializing and I was home alone all day.I was also incredibly bored and found baby groups mind-numbing. I didn’t want to talk about my baby all day with other moms, I wanted to talk about the Venezuelan oil crisis!

Finally at 8 months I asked a friend why anyone chose to have kids because it was not fun at all, and she said “I don’t think it’s SUPPOSED to be fun exactly…” and that’s when it hit me that I was looking at it all wrong. I had assumed people had kids because it was fun, but a lot of times it isn’t fun. Now that my kids are older it is fun a lot of the time, but what it is ALL of the time is meaningful.

Your kid is having a tantrum and you remained calm? You can feel good about that. Your child is being bullied at school and you advocate for them? You can feel proud of that. Watching them learn to excel at things you taught them and enjoy doing with them like biking and skiing is THE BEST.

My husband is in the military and has been to both Afghanistan and Iraq in combat roles. If you listen to veterans, they tell horror stories, but they would always go back in a heartbeat and do it again. They will describe it as the best time in their lives. Which as a non veteran sounds insane! You were in mortal danger! You saw friends die! You pooped into a bag for a year! But they used their skills to try to better Anna’s situation, and found deep meaning and purpose from that.

My kids are my Afghanistan and Iraq. And the fact that they’re fun now is just the cherry on top, not the whole reason for having them.

It’s not always fun, but it is always meaningful.

I hope that helps.