lauren.maupin@gmail.com

I try to weigh damage and benefit often as a parent. My child watches a lot more tv and also gets sugary snacks when at my parents for overnights. The same was true when I was a kid spending time with my dad’s dad. I have asked: is the harm or damage I think he may experience there bigger than the benefit the kid-free time provides to our marriage? If you feel it is, or if you can’t enjoy the time away for worrying, then I would cease the overnights and only spend time with your MIL as a family. Save up and hire a sitter for longer periods (3-11 pm?) to get a chunk of time away; with time you might build enough trust to leave your child with a sitter overnight. If you feel the benefit to your marriage is greater than the possible damage, then I would a) reassure yourself that the eating and tv habits you establish in your home are the ones that will stick (I remember thinking, why does grandad was SO MUCH tv, it’s so boring!) and b) protecting and nurturing your marriage is a huge service to your child because you are preventing divorce and giving them a positive model for relationships that will serve them life-long.