Libby

This is such a good point.

To add what I love about parenting. I have a 7 year old so I’m still in the youngish kid phase. Watching her learn and develop is the most amazing thing I have ever done. There is no real way to replicate it. I feel like I better understand and empathize with humans because I have gotten to watch her develop. Of all of the things I have done in my life I am most proud of her. Becoming a parent has made me more politically active and engaged in my community. I am a better person in other realms because of wanting to be a good model and wanting to build a better future for her.

Obviously no one else can really answer this for you. I have a few thoughts that I will share.

First parenting is much harder than I expected and for different reasons. I have always known I wanted to be a parent, it was an important way I saw my future. I truly love being a parent as well as loving my kid. And still becoming a parent took a toll on my mental health that I didn’t expect. It brings up unaddressed issues from your own childhood. It is logically and financially hard. I absolutely love being a parent but I was pretty invested in doing it my whole life and I was still caught off guard.

Second, having babies and little kids is hard but it is a relatively short period of parenting. What you are seeing in your peers now is one of the most active phases of being a parent. My grandmother was open about the fact that she did not really like kids. She told her own kids at one point, “I like you so much better now that you are adults.” In making the decision to become a parent you can also think about your vision for your whole life. Do you see yourself with adult children? Having family in the future has its own potential joy that you may wish to experience. Nothing is guaranteed of course.

Finally, it’s okay not to have kids. You don’t have to. We all make choices that close off other paths to us.

“Let me take this for you.” I needed real help and a rest. I had people who would hold the baby and bring over a meal. But I still felt like I was solely responsible and couldn’t take a breath. My spouse was also freaking out at becoming a parent and would do what I told him but was lost on initiating. I really wanted one of our parents or an experienced parent to jump in and truly take over for a few hours so I could sleep and take care of myself.