coachmalka

Dear Uncomfortable Host,
Children are highly sensitive to how we (their parents) feel. So when you feel wronged, slighted, insulted, or however it is you feel when the visiting kid’s parent makes no apology, your kid picks up on that, feels taken advantage of and expresses their distress by crying. The tears may not be over the broken toys as much as an expression of solidarity with you. Your child is on your side.

If you want to test that, see if you can feel differently towards the other parent.
* Imagine if your kid was the one doing the breaking. How would you feel? (not just what would you do. Look inside)
* Do you think that other parent feels this is OK?
* Maybe s/he feels helpless, or ashamed?
* There’s no knowing what stresses they may be under.
* Maybe you could find compassion towards the parent (and child)?
* How would it feel to see yourself (and your child) as offering them a safe space, where they can hopefully become more pro-social and considerate? Some really poorly behaved kids grow up to become well behaved, well adjusted adults and citizens. Someone who believes in them and sees their potential can help that happen. That person can be you.

My guess is that if you can change the way you feel about this, your child will deal with the broken toys with much less distress.

Of course if you can temporarily provide a more limited range of less breakable things, that could help, but addressing the internal narrative will also help you address other, future situations in a way a strictly practical approach will not.