marshratb

Yes! I feel like a lot of advice column letters (not just ones about kids and grandparents) ask, “how can I get someone to accept my boundary,” which implies it is a negotiation. The real question to wrestle with is how to learn to hold a boundary regardless of what the other person asks for. I agree with many commenters that it’s ok if Grandma’s house is one with overindulgences, and I certainly had that same childhood myself, but I also agree that what these grandparents are doing goes beyond just a little more ice cream and screen time. I also suspect that the grandparents know they have the upper hand as the sole source of overnight care, so as long as they think they can’t lose that privilege, they won’t ever adhere to any of the parent’s requests. Only if they know the boundary will be firmly held will they adjust.