MayMontt

We did a modified 123 Magic. One of the main takeaways my husband and I got from that book was for the parents to stay calm and rational. We would try to connect and educate first with what the child can do, like “hands stay to yourself”. If the behavior persisted we’d switch to counting. If they got a three we’d take them out of the triggering environment for an amount of time commensurate to their age in minutes. Once that time was up, we’d go on without bringing whatever offending behavior again.
The book is great at explaining that it’s not punitive but I have seen a lot of parents misinterpret the technique. It’s worked well enough for both my kids in that it has changed my behavior and my husband’s behavior to not yell and to deal with situations calmly and rationally.

We are a neurospicy household. I have ADHD, my husband probably on the Autism spectrum. My kids both have sensory issues, aren’t very flexible without lots of preparation, and have rejection sensitivity. I get touched out every day. It’s a lot. I’m also the emotional sink (that person who helps process emotions) in my house. So I feel you.

I realized early on that I was should-ing all over the place in terms of my mom expectations. I should be this, I should be that. I am not that kind of mom. And that’s ok. I hate pretend play, so I don’t. It makes me a better parent to teach my kid boundaries rather than do things I hate and be miserable.

My kids and husband THRIVE on routines. I HATE them with a passion. But with lots of professional help have figured out how to have a framework that I can work within, without things being as rigid when I’m in charge.

We also started the conversation about how our brains worked early. We talk about the worry clouds and even talk about mom’s worry cloud. We talk about consent and asking. My youngest is a love muffin. He wants hugs all the time, but we are working on him asking me for a hug, so that if I just cannnot, I can say no and he can respect that. A lot of it is being calm and not reactive, about explaining that sometimes mom needs a little space or alone time to recharge.

That’s what mostly works for us. There are a lot of big feels in my house and I’m not gonna lie, it’s a lot, but I feel I’m managing ok. It has come with working on accepting myself, not comparing myself to other moms, and making sure I have professional support.