MTurner

It really helps me to remind myself that ‘This is NOT personal; my kid is not an awful asshole. Her brain is developing and all kids go through this stage’. And I remind myself this over and over again. This doesn’t mean don’t do anything, it just helps me manage my own frustration and puts things in perspective.

I would echo the Big Little Feelings method—I personally connected with the ‘don’t isolate the kid, just indicate that you hear them and hold the boundary that YOU as the parent need to’ strategy. And find ways to give yourself a break so you don’t burnout—results can take a while to see but it DOES happen!!

Also, I know lots of parents struggle to even respond when tantrums hit and BLF have scripts to help.

Our kiddo is 3.5 and I’m only just now starting to enjoy that the fun part of toddlerhood is balancing out the tough stuff. Hang in!!

If you two take some time and fully weigh out the benefits and losses (literally, on paper) of being a parent and you find that there is STILL no clear answer, look up Ruth Chang’s ‘How to make hard choices’ on YouTube. When each choice is weighed equally, I go here for perspective and it empowers me.

One important thing—make sure you have established EQUITY in household life with your spouse. Are you doing all of the invisible/emotional labor? I would not recommend having a kid if that is the case because you will be shouldered with even more (which is what makes many heteronormative moms so desperate and drowning).

On a personal note, what people don’t mention is how long the bad period can last. We are still doing some sleepless nights and ours is 3.5. I am personally much worse post-kid (mental health, physically, financially), even with real equity at home, and YET it’s impossible to have regrets because she’s a f*cking marvel and the highs are beyond anything imaginable (just go in knowing the lows are too).