mdfa

Oh, I am so so sorry. I lost my first pregnancy at 18 weeks, and I can’t even imagine the pain of a later loss/stillbirth.

I agree with so much of what’s been said already, and I don’t know your sister’s situation, but I have some advice to tuck away for potential future use if she becomes pregnant again. My first loss was followed by two more early loses, and when I finally got pregnant with my son, every single day terrifying. I was just waiting for something to go wrong. Once I got past the first trimester, I feel like all my friends/family breathed a sigh of relief. But I was still in a constant state of fear until the baby was in my arms. Please don’t forget that the entire pregnancy will likely be difficult and triggering and a constant mix of fear, excitement, love, and grief.

Same goes for once the baby is born. This might be because it was my first and I didn’t have the experience of having a child before, but I certainly experienced a lot of re grief—-moments of holding my baby and thinking about how much I love him while sobbing in grief over how much I would have loved the baby boy I lost. It can be disorienting and confusing and as much as I felt the love and support of my loved ones after my losses, these feelings in pregnancy and postpartum felt incredibly isolating. I wish that my friends and family would have been aware of these challenges, especially because they can be difficult to bring up or talk about when you feel like you should just be grateful. Please don’t act like this new baby replaces the one who was lost or makes it better.

I’m sending so much love to you and your family during this time.