NuinIthil

Lord. I’m not a mom, and my ND flavor is different, but it is so hard. I have gone through countless periods of feeling inadequate- not just as a parent, but as a spouse. So many of the things I did to manage myself fell apart after kids.

I’ve had to make a number of changes, and a lot of changes to my expectations.

First, I think it’s important to be honest with your kids about your boundaries and needs. Sometimes we have to push through to do what has to be done for our kids, but sometimes it’s best to make sure your kids understand you love them and need a break. If you have a partner, leverage them and take it. We have The Look and announce that parent is going to take a break.

Read “How to Keep House While Drowning,” listen to Dr. Becky’s Good Inside podcast, follow her account or read her book.

Go in with the knowledge that parenting expectations are largely self-contradictory, perfectionist crap and love your kids. They may need therapy and that’s fine. They may need an ND role model. And role modeling means showing them how to be imperfect and still enjoy their life.

If you’re the kind of person it sounds like you are, just be brutally honest with yourself, do your imperfect best to let go of the utterly insane amount of mom guilt, and know that parenting feels hard because it IS hard (credit to Dr. Becky there).

And there are NDs out there struggling too. You aren’t at all alone.

Every kid is different. Every family is different. There really isn’t a best way to do any of it.

I also recommend sleep training if you can. Minimizing the parent wakeups is nice, but speaking as a parent who has a kid with complex medical issues, it has been endlessly valuable in helping us know when things are wrong and gaining enough credibility to get someone to really help the poor kid out.