Nicole

I have a nearly-three year old, I’m a single mom, and I have autism. I wanted to share some strategies that work for me, although I think so much of parenting is the shared humanity of hearing other people say ‘I get you’.

Our house is a low sensory zone. The lights generally stay dim, fabrics are soft, toys get put away when we’re done playing. I pay a house cleaner. I open the windows and doors as often as I can, to air out cooking smells. After I went back to work full time, I can’t remember us ever doing play dates.

Sounds boring when I write it out! But here’s the thing – during my work days, my daughter goes to a wonderful daycare and has childcare with three different grandparents. She often, but not always, sleeps at her dads for two work nights a week. She gets access to a lot of other people, and we keep a pretty regular routine.

When we’re home together, we do a lot of ND-friendly activities that suit us both: lay in my bed and read, short walks in our neighbourhood, stretching and kid yoga, little games she invents. She’s empathetic and compassionate, and if either of us starts having a sensory meltdown, we take it way down with quiet time together. She’s a bit neurotic about having clean hands, and putting her toys in the perfect place… which seems like not such a terrible consequence, to me.

You can only be who you are. Once I started to accept that I don’t have to be a singsong, easygoing, messy, carefree, bubbly mom, I felt far less burned out. And I think this environment is both of our safe space. Home is where the two of us recharge together. It wouldn’t have been like that if I continued trying to be something I’m not.