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1000000000000%! I know people mean well, and that the commentary is likely more related to what they themselves are feeling (nostalgia), but damn is it damaging to impose that expectation of constant overwhelming joy on a human being who just gave birth and is now presumably trying to heal physically and survive massive sleep deprivation all the while keeping a tiny human alive. JEEZ!

I struggled with PPD for 6 months before I realized I needed actual help. During that time, I feel like I missed out on so much of the joy of the first few months with our son. I was there, but I was in a fog. Joy seemed like a distant memory. I remember getting so angry when well-meaning women would stop me and utter the dreaded “cherish every moment”. I wanted to lash out, I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted my own mom, I wanted to run away.

What ended up helping, was a few people close to me gently but firmly telling me that I needed to take care of myself and to get the help I needed. Somehow, hearing this from the outside (vs. just feeling it internally) freed me to take action. It was almost like I didn’t feel I had a right to feel this way or to acknowledge how bad I felt until someone other than me called it out.

Ultimately, a combination of Wellbutrin, an excellent therapist, sleep training, and going back to work helped me find myself again AND find the joy in parenting our hilarious and wild now nearly 2 year old. I’m expecting our second now (a girl!) and trying to ground myself in the knowledge that while I can’t change what’s coming and I am scared of falling back into the hole it took so much for me to climb out of, I have way more tools to deal with anything that does happen this time – including a partner that really gets what it means to co-parent and communicate with me as an equal.

Sending all my postpartum mamas BIG hugs and a few thoughts:

1. Whatever you’re feeling is OK.
2. You don’t need to be suicidal to need and deserve help.
3. Whatever is feeling the hardest today/in this moment is NOT forever and will shift – you will move through it.
4. You don’t “owe” your baby your sanity, your baby NEEDS a healthy and stable mama.
5. Your baby’s wellbeing is NOT the only reason to take case of yourself.
6. It gets SO SO SO SO much better – soon.
7. You are not alone – any time you’re awake feeling like you’re the only person on earth not sleeping in your bed, know that your mama/parent army is with you – just in some other glider in some other bedroom. <3