Mondays

It’s hard to know without more context for the relationship with your inlaws, but my mother does very irresponsible things with my kids (not dangerous per se, but similar to the kindergarten thing above) and it’s part of a broader pattern of doing/saying things that any reasonable person would disagree with. I’m not talking about extra sugar and TV. I’ll spare you an overview of all of her emotional immaturity and mental health issues, but a main driver is looking to get a reaction out of her adult children and asserting that she get to do what she wants – not us, “the children.”

If you think this is a similar dynamic, you may decide to set firm boundaries and have consequences for when they are not respected – and be comfortable with the likely result that those consequences will likely need to happen and your kids may not be able to have as regular visits as you would like. Unfortunately my sibling and I do need to limit the time our kids spend with their grandmother because she is so erratic and it’s confusing for them to get mixed messages, especially given how she says bad things about our parenting. Remember – if you set clear boundaries and they are violated, the parent was the one who caused the result of not being able to see the kids as much. They made the decision – don’t accept the guilt trip, it’s part of the broader manipulation/ power struggle.

I mean what reasonable person wouldn’t just accept the parents’ wishes that the kid still goes to kindergarten and keep a routine? It’s not just about her opinion on kindergarten. And the “oh you are just uptight” bs is total gaslighting, don’t fall for it.