sonja.ralston@gmail.com

As an ADHD mom of 6yo and 4yo, I second to a lot of what’s said in all the comments! Adding my two cents here to address specifically your question of what to say to your kids. Tell them the age-appropriate truth. Ex: “Everyone’s brain is different. Mine is great at solving problems but not so great at remembering stuff and, sometimes, I get overwhelmed.”

Also, it’s not only okay but great to voice your needs and feelings–this is what we are telling our kids to do all the time, right? Just like our little ones, if our needs aren’t met for too long, we break down–and that’s normal! But grown-up breakdowns can be scary for kids. That is, even if your yardstick is “what’s best for my kids?” (aside: you might be happier if it isn’t; see other comments on societal pressures), you’ll be a better parent if your needs get met too.

Ex: “I need a break.” “This is too loud for me. Can you please use an inside voice? Or I will wait for you in the other room.” (I use that one a lot during bath time in the tiled and enclosed bathroom!) “I know you love that book. It doesn’t work for me to read it again right now. Can you pick another one?” “It’s hard for me when you play with the magic sand. You can do that when Daddy’s in charge.”

I also do the same kinds of calm-down or self-soothing activities I learned from parenting books/advice for helping kids: butterfly hugs; mindful noticing, sometimes out loud (e.g., five things I see, four things I hear, three things I feel, two things I smell, and one thing I taste); closing my eyes and counting; etc. Two benefits here–(1) they work; (2) it’s great modeling! Same goes for the checklists, routines, etc that help kids build executive function.

None of this is to say it’s easy, and I certainly don’t do it perfectly, but this is what I aim for.

Mostly, you are not alone. It’s going to be okay. You do you. Showing your kids that you love and care for yourself in all your uniqueness is giving them a gift; your kid might well be ND, too.