Viv

Had a very similar thought before having our daughter when I was 34! I was even asking existential questions well into my third trimester, like why are we really have kids? Is it because everyone we know is doing this? The first year was rough with postpartum depression, but, 3 years on, I cannot imagine not having our daughter. We loved to travel, try new restaurants, etc. before her, and now we get to share all that we love doing with her, and it’s the best! There are tantrums, tiring days, difficult moments, of course, but the positives outweigh the challenges by far. It’s also been an incredible self-growth journey and given me a chance to learn something new, in terms of skills (that have actually helped with work) and about myself. When I think about what I would be doing instead if we didn’t have a kid, everything pales in comparison. Sure, we can buy more things or travel more, but seeing our child experience a new place/food/activity and her reactions are priceless. It’s a big decision and a big change, and every family is different. I would recommend having a honest conversation with your partner about how you envision your life in 30 years. Does this include kids and grandkids? If so, how do you envision your parenting style, your relationship with your kids? What would you keep about your relationships with your parents and what would you change? It’s important to align with your partner on these before making the decision either way.

Really loved reading this. I struggled with PPD and didn’t realize it actually started pre-birth. I had similar feelings of losing what I knew to be my self, but, then like you said, it took a few years to get the old feelings again to then develop this new self. So good to hear someone else going through a similar thing. Glad you made it out to the other side!