wondersmore

I’m really glad freezing eggs is an option, nice there’s so many more options for women now. But would put more research into it to see if it’s the right choice for you: it’s a bigger process than what it sounds like. Timely & costly on the outset, more money to keep them stored (for how long?), and then a major process on the other end with IVF if you choose to use them. And then there’s no guarantee after all that. This could still be the best option! No route is simple. It all has risks, expense, some pains & unknowns; but can weigh that all out with your own pros and cons.

Wow, thank you. Reading all these comments have been very meaningful. The variety in experiences is really powerful. Thank you for choosing to share!

That’s so special. Thank you for sharing your experience and your original question! It’s been really meaningful to read others’ experiences and reflect for myself. Wish you well on your journey! If you are able to conceive, your child will be so lucky and wanted. That’s very daring of you both. Fertility issue are so unfair and excruciating. It’s nice to have modern medical advances on our side, but still so many unknowns, and even more effort. Hope there’s lots of support and love for you both!

So valid, all these insights. I was not prepared for the personal heartache that’s come with “want baby(?)” in these adult years: trying to decide what life paths were most fulfilling before we decided; the mixed excitement, stress, & all-consuming anticipation once we took the leap and were actively trying; the grief when we confronted fertility challenges and some miscarriages (more time, more doctor visits, more tears, more money); the pain of pregnancy/childbirth/postpartum; the crazy ups and downs of this really intense bond with our kids (loving and frustrating); jealousy/guilt/annoyance, so many emotions we have to manage when comparing our situation vs. others; and I anticipate that there’s more types of heartache to come with family, health, mortality, & more life decisions (including the other side of this question: “done having babies?”). Very personal, individual.

It’s been a journey and just like all life investments, comes with risk, sacrifice, and whatever value you put to it. Personally, I’ve found a lot of love, meaning, purpose and growth; it’s been worth every part of me! It took my whole body to make this human, and it’s taken even more from us both to devote to parenting: more learning, compassion, communication, introspection, patience, creativity, expressing gratitude, problem-solving, assertiveness, team work (and more!) than anything else we’ve experienced so far.

We’re in a really healthy, safe, happy situation: very lucky to have good space and resources to really fall in love with parenting (I think love for your child and loving being a parent are two different things; some parts can come naturally, other parts take time and effort; but everyone needs resources!). Would encourage thinking through your support system (whatever it is for you: partner, family, friends, doctors, church, schools, work environment, parent groups, therapist, neighbors, etc.) What are both of you like on your dark days now without children and is there anything to start addressing now to get ready? It’s helped us to have easy access to a network of supports, because it’s a big job, we get depressed and discouraged and can’t do it alone.

We both grew up in happy homes. This factored into our decision to have kids: felt we’re decent enough & can pass on the good we’ve experienced. We have friends that didn’t have loving family backgrounds, but decided they wanted kids and are glad they can change the cycle with love and make a difference that way. I think good desires are enough to choose parenthood.

You’re smart to be learning and researching in advance. Hope you don’t feel pressure to know everything. Many things can’t really know til you’re there, so if you both decide you want it, go for it, and there’s lots around to help you the whole way through.

I hope either way, you know how important and needed you are! Some are parents, some are not, but we need each other. No judgement. <3

With our fertility challenges, it’s made a huge difference expressing how much we’d still love and mean to each other even if our plans for baby didn’t work out. May not be this way for everyone, but seeing my husband love me fully for me through loss and heartache, and me getting to do the same, have become treasured experiences. Now we’re here and getting to see him become a dad has brought a whole new side to love I didn’t anticipate and super adore! (Gottman institute has great free articles on positive communication; we’ve needed these kinds of strategies to keep up loving conversations & support) Best to you!