When will my 4-year-old be able to wipe his own butt? Is kindergarten my deadline for teaching this skill?
—Sick of butts in my face
Potty training sometimes seems like a weird, never-ending saga. You hear about “three-day potty training,” but the reality feels more like three years. You struggle through peeing on the potty, pooping on the potty, accidents, nighttime dryness. And still — still! — you’re wiping their butts when they are surprisingly old.
The ability to wipe one’s own butt is the last potty training skill to develop, on average. The reason is largely a dexterity one — it requires a reaching ability that may not be present in a toddler or very young child. Generally, these skills develop around school age, but there is a wide range.
It’s a bit dated, but this 2002 paper is the most comprehensive I’ve found summarizing the age of different toileting skills. The paper recruited about 260 kids and followed them over time, asking their parents when they achieved a series of toilet training skills.
Butt wiping was the last skill, and the authors didn’t actually follow people long enough to see the full range of ages at which this developed. They found that about 50% of kids had developed the skill by 48 months — 4 years — but we have no idea when the rest of them do it. In the past 20 years, almost all potty training events have moved to older ages, so this may well be too early, even for the average.
Your child is around the right age, but it would not be surprising if you had more months of wiping ahead of you.
General online discussion does point out that it’s a good idea to at least try to teach this skill before your child heads to school, as they may need to make an effort at doing it there.
Not to get too in the weeds, but here’s one tip I found useful. Kids tend to want to use tiny amounts of toilet paper and ball it up to wipe. I don’t know why! It’s weird. It’s also ineffective and leads to poop on hands. Better to train them to wrap toilet paper around their hand and swipe.
You’re welcome, and enjoy the butts.
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