Who Should Be in the Delivery Room?

I’ve been going back and forth for a while about who’s going to be in the delivery room with me (my partner is a given), but what about the medical team vs. family and friends?

–Kelly

Your child’s birth is likely to be among the most impactful moments of your life. It may also be among the most painful, or scariest, or most exciting, or happiest. It’s hard to predict, on many dimensions. In this somewhat unpredictable moment, who do you want there with you?

Gone are the days when dads sat in the waiting room and smoked cigars, and if you have a present partner, it is likely they’ll be with you in the room. A doctor or midwife and probably at least one nurse will also be there, and that’s pretty non-negotiable.

Beyond that, there are two categories of people you might consider.

Professional help (specifically, a doula). Doulas are trained to provide non-medical labor support (and pre- and postpartum support). Studies — including randomized controlled trials — have shown the positive benefits of doulas, including shorter labor and somewhat reduced risk of cesarean section. A doula can be a helpful advocate in the delivery room, and there can be reassurance in having someone who you have continuous contact with who has done this before. In my first birth, I was glad Jesse was there, but I wouldn’t say he was especially helpful. Our doula, Melina, definitely was.

This isn’t for everyone — not all hospitals will be encouraging, and doulas can be expensive (although in many locations, there are groups that can help you find affordable doula care). But given the data, it may be worth considering.
Other family and friends. There is enormous variation in how comfortable people are with the idea of other family or friends being with them during labor and delivery. I don’t know where you are on this spectrum! Does it seem like you will feel more supported with your parents, or your siblings, or friends? Or does that make you uncomfortable?

Here is a simple way to ask this question: During the second stage of labor, when you are pushing, there is a good chance you’ll poop. It just happens — the pushing is a similar feel, and sometimes you poop. It is no big deal at all and will be quickly cleaned. But I think it’s a good litmus test for this choice. If you do not want someone to see you poop, you shouldn’t have them at the birth.

Final note: You’ll want to ask your hospital about rules. It is possible that there are restrictions on the number of people you can bring, so before you promise to let your mom bring all five of your aunts to the delivery room, ask.