When you’re thinking about starting your LGBTQ+ family, resources and support options aren’t always obvious. There is a lot to consider — and gathering a support team around you makes a huge difference.

This article will guide you through the people who can help you feel supported, prepared, and well cared for along each stage of the queer family building process.

Fertility doula or coach

What does a fertility doula or coach do?

Fertility doulas, sometimes called fertility coaches, offer you informational and emotional support to manage the complex decisions involved in growing your family. Fertility coaches or doulas who specialize in the LGBTQ+ community are skilled in guiding people through the various processes of choosing a donor, tracking fertility, navigating fertility clinics and treatments, and advocating for yourself within these settings. They can also help couples through the experiences and challenges that can arise during the family building process that put stress on a relationship.

Who should consider going to one?

If you’re unsure where to begin the process of growing your LGBTQ+ family, want some extra support during the process, or find yourself at a decision-making crossroads, it may be worth consulting with a fertility doula or coach who can help you feel educated and empowered through this process.

What does it cost?

There’s a big range for fertility doulas and coaches, but single sessions can cost from $150 to $500.

Midwife

What does a midwife do?

Midwives are health care providers who work in either clinical or community settings. Many people don’t know that midwives provide fertility services and, in most states, provide IUI (intrauterine insemination) at home. A Google search will tell you if there are midwives providing at-home IUI in your area.

Who should consider going to one?

For many queer people, at-home IUI is an ideal starting place when using donor sperm from a bank, allowing people to maintain a sense of comfort and intimacy during their family building process. If you are at the beginning of your fertility journey with no known fertility issues and using previously frozen (IUI-ready) donor sperm, hiring a midwife to do your IUIs may be a great choice. (A little side note: In my IUI practice, when a partner is present for the IUI, they can be the one to depress the plunger of the syringe so that they play an active role in the insemination process.)

What does it cost?

Midwives charge between $250 and $500 per IUI, depending on the state.

Reproductive endocrinologist

What does a reproductive endocrinologist do?

Reproductive endocrinologists are fertility specialists who can recommend and perform appropriate interventions based on your labwork, anatomy, fertility history, and family building preferences. Most reproductive endocrinologists specialize in treating people with infertility. Some specialize in working with the LGBTQ+ community — and I always recommend doing your research to find those specialists in your area, because the care recommendations are different if your cause for “infertility” is your relationship status.

Who should consider going to one?

A reproductive endocrinologist is likely an essential part of your family building team if:

You have any known fertility issues
You are over 40 years old
You have been trying to conceive for one year if you’re under 35, or six months if you’re over 35
You prefer doing IUI in a medical setting and/or with medications
You want to use IVF or reciprocal IVF to grow your family

What does it cost?

There’s a huge range for cost estimates when working with a reproductive endocrinologist because it depends on the tests, medications, and procedures that are recommended and performed. Tests and medications are typically thousands of dollars. In-clinic IUIs can be thousands as well, and IVF or reciprocal IVF costs tens of thousands of dollars. Donor sperm costs between $1,000 and $2,000 per vial, and a batch of donor eggs, which includes five to seven, costs $17,000 to $25,000. Depending on your coverage and where you live, some of this may be covered by insurance.

Family lawyer

What does a family lawyer do?

Lawyers who support LGBTQ+ family formation play an important role in growing your queer family, sometimes before, and definitely after, the birth of your child.

Who should consider going to one?

If you are working with a directed donor, you may need a lawyer’s help to draft the donor contract, depending on your state. No matter where you are located, it is essential to complete a second-parent or confirmatory adoption after the child is born, regardless of whether or not the non-gestational parent’s name is on the birth certificate. This will allow your family full legal protection when traveling out of the state or country.

What does it cost?

Costs for a directed (known) donor contract can range from $200 to $2,000 (in more complex cases). Most confirmatory or second-parent adoptions cost a couple thousand dollars. These costs can increase if the couple is not married at the time of birth, because the adoption process becomes longer and more complex.

Financial adviser or money coach

What does a financial adviser do?

Financial advisers or money coaches can help you understand all of the costs associated with growing your LGBTQ+ family and how to budget for them. Having support from a financial adviser or money coach familiar with the LGBTQ+ family building process can help you feel more financially prepared along the various stages of growing your family.

Who should consider going to one?

If you’re at the beginning of your process and need to understand how much money it will actually cost, a financial adviser or money coach who has expertise in this area can guide you in saving and spending so you can be better prepared.

What does it cost?

Financial advisers may charge hourly fees or get paid through a percentage of invested assets if they are also wealth managers. Most money coaches charge a few hundred dollars per session.

Peer support group

What does a peer support group offer?

So many people on their LGBTQ+ family building journey feel some measure of isolation. I commonly hear from my clients that they are the only queer folks they know having kids. Of course, there are many of us out here growing our families, but depending on where you live, you may feel a sense of alone-ness permeating this process. Getting connected to a peer support group can make a world of difference in remembering that you aren’t alone — there are so many other people going through the same thing you are.

Who should consider going to one?

There’s compelling research that peer support groups improve mental health markers for people experiencing infertility. Connection is healthy, especially when going through hard things. I recommend that everyone growing their LGBTQ+ family join some sort of virtual or in-person group to increase their sense of connectedness to the wider community.

What does it cost?

Some local meetups are free. The virtual community I run, called PregnantTogether, is $20 per month or $200 per year, which can be paid through an HSA or FSA account.

Lactation consultant

What does a queer-competent lactation consultant do?

Queer-competent lactation consultants are skilled in advising people and couples through different feeding strategies for your baby, including inducing lactation.

Who should consider hiring one?

If you are interested in inducing lactation as the non-carrying partner, meeting with a queer-competent lactation consultant early on in your family building journey can be extremely helpful. They can help you understand the ins and outs of the process, where to procure the medications and herbs needed for your body to begin lactating, and support you in the months leading up to baby’s arrival to build up your milk supply. They can also support the birthing parent’s lactation journey and help structure feedings so that both partners have the ability to nurse their baby.

What does it cost?

Most queer-competent lactation consultants work in private practice and charge anywhere from $100 to $500 per visit. Some insurance companies may reimburse you if you submit a superbill to them after your visits.