Choosing a Sperm Donor (Part 2)

Choosing a sperm donor is such an involved process that I needed two articles to walk you through it all. In Choosing a Sperm Donor (Part 1), we discussed how genetic traits are (and aren’t) passed down, the differences between directed (identified) and nonidentified donors, and an exercise to help guide your choice of donor sperm. Please start there and then come back to this article!

Even after making the choice of your potential sperm donor, you may find yourself navigating some unexpected terrain.

This article will guide you through some of the big decisions that may come up after choosing a donor, including:

What to do about genetic testing
How to decide how many vials of sperm to purchase
If your plans change

Let’s dive in.

Take me to the bottom line

What should you do about genetic testing?

Genetic testing is an important part of the family building journey whether you’re considering a directed (identified) sperm donor (previously called known donors) or a nonidentified one from a sperm bank (previously called anonymous donors). I’m a midwife, not a geneticist, but this is how I encourage my clients to think about genetic testing in our early conversations.

Do you have a family history of genetic variances?

It’s possible to be a carrier of a certain genetic trait without having that condition. If two carriers of the same trait procreate, there’s a 25% chance that their offspring will have that condition.

If you know that you have a family history of different genetic traits, such as cystic fibrosis or sickle cell anemia, it makes sense to get tested to see if you are a carrier before finalizing your donor and beginning the process of trying to conceive. Similarly, if you’re working with a directed donor who knows that they have a family history of different genetic variances, I recommend having them get tested so you have the information you need as you grow your family.

If you are a carrier for a specific trait, knowing this will help guide you in choosing a donor who isn’t a carrier or getting educated on what it would be like to raise a child with that specific condition. Many fertility clinics and sperm banks have genetic counselors on staff who can help you understand your personal risk levels.

What’s your relationship with risk?

There are thousands of genetic variances that we can screen for, and most of them are supremely rare. I often see people get overwhelmed by the amount of genetic tests offered, especially when using sperm from a bank.

For heterosexual couples experiencing male factor infertility, you’re likely already doing this type of testing. However, I like to remind the queer and solo-parent families I work with that the vast majority of heterosexual couples don’t do genetic testing before trying to conceive — they just start trying, and most opt for genetic screening like non-invasive prenatal testing in the first trimester. This is a completely valid choice. Just because you have access to more information doesn’t mean you need it, especially if it’s causing you more anxiety.

That said, some people feel supported by having as much information as possible. If this is you, see if your primary care provider or fertility specialist can order you a genetic test.

Pro tip: Try to get the same genetic screen as your prospective donor. Since different companies test for different things (and list the results in different orders), having the same type of genetic test will make your life so much easier when comparing results.

If you’re going through the IVF process, you’ll have the option to conduct genetic testing on the embryos pre-implantation, which increases cost but also the success rates of IVF cycles.

How many vials should I buy?

When you choose a donor at a sperm bank, you’ll be able to choose whether you want to buy one or multiple vials at once. This is a big decision and depends on a few factors, namely your budget, your conception plan (you’ll likely need more vials if you are planning to do IUI vs. IVF or reciprocal IVF), and how many vials are available from the donor of your choice.

When you buy vials from the bank, they will store them until you are ready to use them, shipping them directly to you or to your fertility clinic, depending on your conception plan. Storing vials costs about $500 annually.

Here are four questions to help guide your decision about how many vials to buy.

1. How many children do I want?

Statistically, on average it takes four inseminations to achieve a pregnancy with IUI for people without fertility issues. This number varies widely depending on age and health history, but generally I recommend planning on using four vials of donor sperm per child if you’re planning to conceive via IUI. So multiply your ideal family size by four, and you have your answer to how many vials to buy. If you don’t buy these all at once, you may not have the option to use the same sperm donor in the future. The cost per vial usually ranges from $1,000 to $2,500 as of 2024.

If you’re planning to do IVF or reciprocal IVF, you may need to purchase only one vial of sperm.

If you do buy many vials of sperm at once, make sure you understand what your sperm bank’s buy-back program looks like if you don’t end up using all of your vials, and keep in mind that you’ll need to pay storage fees.

2. How important is it to me that my kids have the same donor?

If you feel strongly about your kids having the same donor, it makes sense to prioritize purchasing more sperm from that donor and paying for storage fees, if it’s within your financial means. If you don’t care as much, you don’t necessarily need to make that a priority. I have plenty of clients who buy two or three vials from one donor and, if they run out, choose a different one. This saves them money on storage fees but can also increase the mental and emotional stress of choosing a donor again.

3. How much can I spend on sperm now?

Most people don’t have the luxury of having $15,000 or more to spend on sperm vials and storage, even if your kids’ having the same donor is a strong priority. Chat with representatives from the sperm bank you are working with to see if they can offer discounts on storage fees or when purchasing multiple vials at once. There are also some insurance companies that theoretically cover donor gametes, but in practice it can be challenging to get insurance reimbursement for these purchases.

4. What type of sperm samples should I buy?

When exploring the question of how many vials to buy, it’s important to understand the difference between washed and unwashed sperm: unwashed semen means that the seminal fluid hasn’t been processed — it’s just fresh or previously frozen ejaculate. Washed semen refers to the process of separating the sperm cells from the extra substances found in seminal fluid, in preparation for insemination directly into the uterus.

Getting a sense of your ideal conception option will influence this decision, because sperm is processed in different ways depending on which insemination method you’re planning.

For example, if you’re planning to do IUI and you are 32 years old, it’s reasonable to expect to need about four IUI-ready vials per child. However, if you’re already considering IVF, you may need only one or two assisted reproductive technology (ART) vials to create embryos for now and for the future.

How to cope if your plans change

Even the best-laid plans can change. This process is full of curveballs — from directed donors changing their mind or having poor sperm quality, to the sperm bank recalling vials because they’ve hit their family limit, to plans being affected by a global pandemic, a natural disaster, or financial, emotional, or relational changes.

It can be heartbreaking when something shifts drastically, and if you come up against this situation, you aren’t alone. Many prospective parents I work with talk about having plans A through G. If you need to pivot to the next-best plan, even if that turns out being your third or even seventh choice, that’s okay. I recommend, as much as possible, keeping your focus on the main goal — becoming a parent — and not losing sight of the forest for the trees.

Closing thoughts

The process of choosing your donor sperm is an essential part of growing your family — but I encourage you to see this part of the journey as a stepping stone to getting you to where you want to go. I can say from personal experience that when you’re running after your toddler trying to clean the finger paint off their hands, you won’t be worrying too much about where you got half of their genetic material.

The bottom line

Get a genetic screening if you have a high likelihood of being a carrier for a certain genetic trait.
Try, whenever possible, to get the same brand of genetic screening as your potential donor.
When buying sperm from a bank, many people buy four vials per child if planning to conceive via IUI — four vials if you think you want one child, eight if you think you want two, etc. This is more critical if it’s important to you that your kids have the same donor. If planning to do IVF, you may need only one ART vial.
Sometimes the journey of choosing a donor (and life in general) throws some curveballs. Remember that you are in good company in navigating this, and try your best to pivot to the next-best option.

We recognize that readers of ParentData identify in different ways — read more about our approach to gender-inclusive language here.