Ali L

A very timely topic in our house (parent of a 2.5 yr old with another on the way). Always in need of new ideas/suggestions.

We use a combination of the 1, 2, 3 Magic counting method (there is a book), the Flip it method (see below), a kitchen timer, and a ton of creative thinking. Basically, there isn’t a magic bullet and we have to assess the situation and pick which one is most appropriate in the moment.

Flip it first names their feelings (I see you are really sad about not being able to have fruit snacks for dinner. I know you love fruit snacks because they are delicious. I love fruit snacks too.) Then sets the boundary (but the rule in this house is we need to eat food for dinner that makes our bodies grow stronger, not just the foods that make us happy). Then flip it (How about we eat our delicious dinner that Dada made for us and we can also have some watermelon. I know watermelon is your favorite fruit and it makes us happy AND helps our bodies grow strong). We do it in that order and I usually say it sitting down face to face with her at her level.

1,2,3 Magic is basically giving them counting warnings when they are doing negative behaviors that you want them to stop doing. (That’s one , that’s two, ok now you have to do a ‘thinking about it’ – aka time out).

We have also found that preferencing transitions before they happen really helps. If she’s playing and it’s time to go take a bath we say – “sweetie, how many more minutes do you want to play before taking a bath? She shouts 5 mins! We then set a timer (eg a physical kitchen timer that ticks and rings loudly) and tell her she has five more minutes! I also ask her “will you get upset when the timer goes off?” and make sure to get an acknowledgement before I start the timer.

Lastly, if all else fales, I lose a little dignity and start coloring my feet with a green marker and say “hey, I’m a green frog and I love water! Come play with me in the bath water little frog!” I give her a marker to color her feet and I start to make frog noises while hopping up the stairs. Basically turning it into a playful experience.

Everything listed above is exhausting and there are certainly times when nothing works. You just have to get through it and remember that this phase is hard, its temporary, and you’re doing your best.