andy.e

Within the many factors, three that come to mind for me are:

1. The long game – your friends are likely in the super tough years of parenting. Do you have any whose kids are 5/6+? It’s so hard to see past the baby/toddler years but I think it’s important to consider what your life will look like in 5/10/15/20 years’ time with or without kids and how that sits with you.

2. People don’t share the intimate moments during the tough years – similar to a partner relationship, friends are quick to complain, but don’t share those many special and intimate moments they experience, this is likely particularly true for their friends who don’t have kids. When I was looking in from the outside, I was dreading it, then when I got ‘in’ was shocked at how different it is with your own kid and the many personal special family moments you experience and don’t share.

3. Practicality, how will you survive the early/tough years? What does your support system look like? How will you make sure you still do some of those things you love to do eg exercise/going for dinner etc. Although this time is transient, you still want you and your relationship to survive, so thinking through this and what this would look like is super important to determining how hard it would be.