torontomom

I really agree with the comments – I think you have to pick your battles, and it’s really your wife that should talk to her mother, leaving you out of it.

I would start out by thanking your MIL for the free, overnight, childcare she provides. I would say how much you and your wife appreciate it, and how restorative it is to your marriage. I would also get your mother a small gift – flowers, wine, pastries etc. and a thank you card.

I think the boundary I would set is that the child has to go to school while you are gone. Explain that the benefit is really an about social engagement with friends and keeping routines are really important, even if he’s not learning rocket science in JK. You could also note that you get an automatic electronic notification if your son is absent and you could kind of blame the school for being “uptight” – “then we get a phone call and it’s a nightmare, they track it really closely.” Try and make it seem like it’s the school’s requirements and blame them a bit as well. But make it clear, it’s your boundary and expectation that he attend school in your absence. I would also gently note that an 8pm bedtime “works best” in a school night and “makes the mornings go easier.” I would also offer to have someone come and pick up your son if that makes things easier to take him to and from school (and I would hire and pay a person to do that, perhaps another JK mom that you have a relationship with), if you think that would alleviate stress on MIL.

And then in terms of the sugar and TV – I wouldn’t even mention it. It’s her home and she’s doing you a favour. It can be screen-free and oatmeal immediately upon your return to get him straightened out again.

Enjoy your break. You deserve it.