Craftcurious

I didn’t want kids, and then my nephews came along. They were these bundles of joy and love and giggles and they were my favorite people. I was in my early thirties by then and decided it wouldn’t be “so bad” if one day I had my own. Around 33, I went off the pill because of some family medical history that became clear, and instead of trying to prevent it, my long time partner and I just figured if it happened, it happened.

By 38, it hadn’t, and I was starting to worry a bit. Was I too late? Was there something wrong? I was set to discuss it at my next annual a few months out. But as luck has it, I was pregnant by then. My son is almost 6 now. We moved from Atlanta – a city I loved and miss every day – back to suburban hometown Ohio to be with our families and give our son cousins (since he doesn’t have siblings). He’s my love. My heart. I know someday he’ll leave for college – or probably a girl, knowing this kid – and as sad as it makes me, being his mom is a gift.

I’ve been a high-achieving career person my whole life – I still am – and it’s hard. It’s really, really hard. But for me, this kid who is sitting next to me in the morning on my old tablet is pure joy (while also being a total pain in the rear; big feelings, picky, had Strep and Flu A in the last two months ….).

I often joke he needed an older sister – he idolizes his older female cousins. It’s obviously too late for that, but sometimes I do ever so slightly wish that I’d started sooner. Or I wish COVID hadn’t scared the bejesus out of me health-wise. It would have been the time to have a second, but that ship has well sailed genetically.

Only you can decide. If your heart is telling you no, then it’s clearly no. I think it’s ok to give yourself permission to be you and live your life! Best of luck and hugs.