Kaeli

I have never commented on a question before, but I relate to your question so much that I thought I would share my experience.

I’m currently 33 with a 13 month old daughter. Until I was probably 30ish I was certain I never wanted kids. Over the next year or so, that shifted to “I’m not saying never, but definitely not right now.” Then eventually I did finally come to the decision that I wanted to have a baby. But I really wrestled with the same question you have about whether I would truly be happy as a mom because it’s a decision you can’t really undo.

For me personally (and this is ONLY applicable to me and my life , so not saying this would be anyone else’s experience), I thought about what the rest of my life would be like if we never had a baby and it sort of sounded like groundhog day to me. I loved my pre-baby dog-mom life, but I realized that I wanted it to evolve more than it would if I didn’t have a baby.

In terms of how it’s actually played out since having my daughter, I can say 100% that it was the right decision for me. That’s not to say there haven’t been really hard times – I’ve had PPD, still haven’t fully recovered physically from pregnancy, I struggle to feel like I’m balancing my work/mom/personal lives sometimes, sleep regressions kick my ass, etc. – but the joy I experience from watching this tiny human that I created grow, learn, develop, and give me snuggles is what I was hoping for when I decided I wanted a baby. It’s also helped me grow and evolve as a person more than I could have ever imagined.

When you have kids, I think there will undoubtedly be hard times to get through, you’ll struggle some (or a lot) of days, you might even feel like you regret having kids sometimes, so I think that concern is reasonable. But I think the other aspect of your perspective is also true – it really can unlock this entire universe of love and growth that you didn’t know existed before becoming a parent.

I hope this helps even if it’s just a tiny bit. Trust your heart and you’ll make the right decision for you.