Kathryn406

It is a really, really hard decision. My husband and I sat on the fence and became firmly planted there (with 3 dogs!) at 36. We left the door open to the possibility, but weren’t going to any great lengths to make it happen. We just lived happily, never giving it too much thought. Like you, I’d seen and heard of the massive toll and challenge of both pregnancy and parenting from family and friends and became very dubious of the purported joys of signing up for parenthood.

Long story shortish, we got kicked off the fence by an “Oops” pregnancy when I was 43. The pregnancy went flawlessly (it can be a bit of a nail-biter at 43, thankfully it was not at all) and our joy-filled, healthy baby is now 5 and every age and stage has been glorious. Being his Mom has truly been the greatest honor of my life.

That is the absolute truth.

Also true are the moments of massive toll. There are challenges at every age and stage that have made me question my suitability for this role. And there are the extra-fun challenges that came when I discovered this tiny human had the unique power to drag the hardest, ugliest parts of me (the parts I tossed deeply away never to be seen again) out of the proverbial closet and into broad daylight and often in front of my most judgey family members when I’m feeling my most vulnerable (coincidence? I think not).

I didn’t realize saying yes to having a baby was also signing up for an in-depth, detailed tour of all my imperfections and vulnerabilities, but I am so grateful for it. I have not loved every minute of working through my hard parts, but you bet I’m profoundly grateful and much, much happier for sure.

But, wait! There’s more. There are new and different parenting challenges ahead (and more skeletons in my closet to pull out! Bah!).

My unhelpful conclusion therefore is: Happiness is a choice. Choose wisely.