KM84

Agree 100%. People often asked about going from 1 to 2 or 2 to 3 and I always say no, the hardest was going from 0 to 1! That is when you have to adjust to your whole world changing. After that, the adjustments are minor.

This is a great piece. Its basically how I recommend making these decisions- “try on” each decision in your head for a while, pretending to have chosen it, and see how it feels. Usually that helps clarify what I will regret doing/not doing the most.

Beyond that, I think you are entirely too outwardly focused OP. You will never figure out what you want by looking at what you see of your friends’ lives from the outside. I think there is temptation to do that, in part, because you want to know what it will be like if you make that choice, but you can’t really know that until you do it. This is just the inherent uncertainty in life and parenthood really crystalizes that- one of the many ways it changes your entire perspective.

No amount of research and discussion and pro/con lists is going to guarantee you are happy with your decision. It’s a risk, a gamble, a leap of faith, a submission of yourself unto the whims of nature.

To me, pregnancy and parenthood is one way to just broaden your experience of life. The same reason people take psychedelics or chase eclipses or whatever. It is a wild, primal experience. For me, post parenthood, highs are higher and lows are lower. Can you die happily having not experienced this aspect of humanity?

It is hard, when catching up with friends in the young child years, to get a sense of this aspect. It’s too deep. Do you ask them things like, how does it feel to see your exact facial expressions in your daughter? How has parenthood changed your perspective on your own parents and other people in general? It’s usually easier to complain about childcare and early morning wakeups. But those are just the surface.

Some people do not deal well with emotional risk, uncertainty, dramatic changes, etc. It may not be for you. I don’t know. But looking at your friends’ lives from the outside won’t necessarily give you the answer.